Ok, first off, the “Hero of
Time” doesn't exist! Why? Simple! Here’s why:
Link
awoke one day by that stupid fairy and was told he was going to save the world.
So
he goes and meets that @$$hole Mido, and then sees
the big tree.
So
he then kills a big spider 'cause everyone else are
big baby's and can't do it them selves.
He
then gets a big emerald that is worth ZIP!!!!!
So
he goes and finds Zelda,
and, um....
BLAH,
BLAH BLAH!!!!
So
he then fights Ganon and kills him,
except that Ganon rises from the
dead and Link has to fight him again!
So
then the Seven Sages trap Ganon in the Dark Realm (why
couldn't they do that the first time?)
After
which Zelda plays a song that sends Link BACK IN TIME BEFORE THE WHOLE THING
FREAKING STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thus! Link is not the Hero
of Time! The Hero of Time does not, and never will
exist, because in order for him to become the Hero of Time he had to pick up
the master sword and then sleep for seven years and then wake up and have whats-his-face tell link that he is the hero of time!
Second, Link abuses his
powers! Yes, he does!!! I mean, look at what happened after Zelda sent him back
in time!
He
goes and finds this stupid hobo kid and he steals his freaking horse!!!!!
Link
then chases the hobo kid, and then is turned into a stupid tree thing.
Link
then travels with another stupid fairy and then finds the hobo kid again, and
then plays a song that sends him back in time!!!!
Thus,
he never went to chase the hobo kid because he was normal, except that now he
never played the song that sent him back!!!! Which means he
never was turned back to normal, which means that he went to chase after the
hobo kid, which means....................
Link
then ran away to play in a stupid swamp, at which he then found and killed a
gay giant (I mean look at him!!!! Only a gay guy would do stuff like that!!!).
Link
then screwed something up, and so then played his song
that sent him back in time!!!!!
He
then ran away to the north and almost froze to death! He then met a giant bull,
who link then killed.
He
then screwed up again, and then went back in time, AGAIN!!!!!
He
then ran away to the west and almost drowned him self in a giant ocean.
He
then found, and killed, a mutant fish thing......
Link
then messed up again, and went back into time!!!!
He
then ran off the east at a giant stone tower, and was almost eaten to death(wait.....) by a bunch of redeads.....
Link
then found two giant, mutant,
Link
then found out that they were members of the Tok' ra..... Meaning that he messed up, again....
So
Link then went back in time.....
He
then found the stupid hobo kid, and Link gave him the beating of his life!
Link
has then sucked up by the moon.....
Link
then found a bunch more hobo kids, except they weren't hobos.....
Link
defeated the stupid kids, saving the world, again.
Link
then screwed up, again, and so went back in time.
Link
then ran away and was never seen again.
Third, I have a problem with
the Song of Storms Paradox.....
Ok,
Link went to
Psycho
Hobo went on and on and on on how some kid came seven
years ago and messed up(sound familiar?).
Psycho
Hobo then played a stupid song, called the Song of Storms.
Link
then learned the Song of Storms.
Link
then went back in time seven years and played the Song of Storms at the wind
mill, messing up.
Psycho
Hobo then learns the Song of Storms from Link after he messed up.
Thus, because the Psycho Hobo learned the song from link, who
learned it from the Psycho Hobo; who wrote the song in the first place?
But
don't worry about the Song of Storms Paradox, BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPEND!!!!!!!
BECAUSE
ZELDA SENT LINK BACK IN TIME!!!!!!!!!
Which means that Ganon was never
imprisoned in the Dark Realm!
Which explains why he came back in other Zelda Games to fight Link!
Thus it is all Zelda's fault
that all of this Ganon garbage happened in the first
place. So I guess it really is a legend, the legend of how Zelda screwed up!
Now before you start dissing me, and call me a LOZ
hater, let me tell you this:
I love the LOZ games, I really
do! I just think that the creators of Zelda should think a bit more on this kinda stuff before publishing the game! I mean, come on!
Don't tell me you didn't spot all of this stuff? I did when I first started
playing! Guess some people are just smart that way.....
Anyhoo,
if anyone wants to send me some (hate) mail, then you can send it to:
Maybe I'll write up another
one if I ever feel like it. But thats
my rant, hope you found it as funny as I did!!!!
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