Walk A Mile

By Sailor Lilith-chan

Author's Notes: The First Interlude of many, not told from Zelda's POV.  Expect odd parallels to our on world and keep a look out for Part III: Adventures on the Open Sea.  Also, I've been playing the Jak Trilogy lately, so it's not my fault if Jak's personality traits turn up in Link.  Be glad Dark Link doesn't have horns, black eyes, claws, and a multitude of kick ass attacks.  Hmmm…

Timeline Note: Takes place during Part One and Part Two.

Interlude I: Blonde Heroes

 Malon always packed excellent picnic lunches.

 You could always expect the best from Malon.  It was an odd law of the universe.    Link decided that if he was actually dating Malon instead of pretending to, that the ranch girl would make a good wife.  Yep, he could get used to the idea of eating like a king even as he scooped up manure.

 “So?” he said, trying to peer into the lunch basket.  “Ow, Malon.  Stop slapping my knuckles.  Either tell me or let me look.”

 Malon, grinning, rattled off a long list that included everything from deviled eggs to rice pudding to roast beef.   Link wiped the drool off his chin and nodded at the choices that were provided.  “Sounds good to me,” he said, trying to open the basket.  “No need for saying grace to the Goddesses.”  He dropped his voice to a whisper, “Do enough kiss-assing of those broads to last a life time.  They should worship me for that.”

 She rolled her eyes.  “If you’re going to be such a wanker, at least do a better job of it.”


 “Wanker,” Malon repeated before trying to explain.  Her explanation included obscene hand gesture as her freckled face turned the precise shade of a tomato.  If tomatoes were neon-colored.  “You know the ultimate pity party.”

 “Ahhh,” Link nodded in understanding, before trying to open the picnic basket another time, “So is Zelda a wanker?”

 Malon sputtered, but somehow found a way to crack her fingertips on Link’s ungloved hands.  “You ninny,” she gasped out, as if trying to overcome the urge to throttle him, “You kleptomaniac, grave-robbing, instrument playing, perverted, sorry excuse for a fairy boy-“

 “Would it help if I said I was sorry for all those times of freeloading milk and forgetting to brush Epona’s coat?“

 “And you need boy parts before you can wank!” Malon fumed, continuing on as if Link hadn’t been trying to interrupt her. “So if Zelda isn’t hiding something extra under her skirts… how can she be a wanker?”

 Link shrugged.

 …to be continued.

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