Race Leg #3 - Popstar
“Prior to this leg of the race, the teams have flown from Eagleland to Popstar. Upon landing at
, the leg will start. As winners of the previous leg, Ike and Lyn will depart at 12pm, with Jody Summer and Captain Falcon leaving just 3 minutes behind them. The other teams will follow.” Dream Land International Airport
Just before noon, all teams are gathered in the concourse of the airport. Ike and Lyn make final preparations and are released at noon. They sprint to the main entranceway where they find the clue box.
Ike: Take the wheelie shuttle to
. Once there proceed on foot to Whispy Woods. Dream Land National Forest
“Teams must start this leg on the wheelie shuttle, one of the largest public transport operations in the Nintendo universe. Their first destination is
Dream Land National Forest, a large swath of vegetation in ’s north central reaches. At the central meadow of the forest stands Whispy Woods, a towering apple tree that has animal and human characteristics, most notably the ability to breathe, which can turn the meadow into a raging wind tunnel at times. Some of the greatest apples in the Nintendo universe are created right here. In their first challenge, the teams must collect the apples that fall from Whispy Woods without having them contact the ground. Once the teams have collected 10 apples, they will receive their next clue.” Dream Land
Captain Falcon and Jody Summer start right behind Ike and Lyn, and they discuss strategy.
Falcon: This challenge will be easy if we get in and get out quickly. I bet it has something to do with apple picking.
Jody: How do you know? We don’t see the challenge clue until we get to Whispy Woods.
Falcon: Yeah, but I’ve been there before, the forest doubles as one of Popstar’s Smash Arenas. Kirby plays his home matches there.
Jody: Hmm, that’s interesting. You’d think they’d put the arena in a more accessible region. Could you drive the Blue Falcon there?
Falcon: Not a chance. The trees are very thick and Popstar’s full of these bumpy, narrow dirt trails. See we’re about to come up to some.
Jody: How bad could a dirt trail be?
Five minutes later the taxi is trashing up and down over the dirt road, enough to make Jody hurl.
Falcon: Oh I’m so sorry, let me help you wipe that…hey get that camera out of here! A little decency please!
Meanwhile Ike and Lyn have arrived on scene and grabbed their apple baskets. As the first batch of apples is about to fall, Whispy Woods blows hard at them, causing Lyn to lose her balance and fall. Ike trips over her.
Lyn: Watch it, you big lug!
Ike: Hey, you’re the one that tripped me! (An apple falls from the tree and hits Ike in the head)
Ow, right in the noggin. Surely I get credit for that one right?
The production team shakes their heads no as Falcon and Summer show up. They read the clue and line up opposite of Ike and Lyn. Whispy continues to blow hard, and the apples zigzag through the air as they fall toward the ground.
Falcon: It’s so hard to get a track on the apples, the wind blows them around so much!
Falcon catches 3 of them, and is closing in on a fourth. But in looking upward toward the sky he doesn’t see that Ike is going for the same apple. Ike ends up elbowing Falcon in the face as the two collide and slump to the grass.
Lyn: Oh dear…Ike are you okay?
Jody: Falcon, wake up. Oh man, he’s been knocked senseless. Tell your partner to watch where he’s going!
Lyn: My partner? Your partner wasn’t watching where he was going, Ike had position!
As the two ladies quarrel and the men squirm on the ground, three other teams arrive at Whispy Woods. It quickly turns into a discombobulated free for all with the teams jostling for position under Whispy’s branches and multiple teams going for the same apples.
Tails and Sonic arrive on the scene, and with all the big bodies already there, they have difficulty finding open spots to catch apples.
Tails: This isn’t really fair, they’re all taller and bigger than us. We’ll never get the apples.
Sonic: But there’s one thing we’ve got that they don’t!
Tails: What’s that?
Sonic: Super sonic speed!
Sonic pulls out a power ring and charges up. The hedgehog becomes a blur, collecting several apples from the sky before anybody can even make a break for them.
Meanwhile, Olimar and Zelda battle for position. Zelda’s height advantage plays to her gain, and she plucks two apples out from over his head.
Olimar: The princess is a tall one…and she can actually catch too…sigh. Wait, I’ve got it!
Olimar whistles, which tells Louie to come over. Through some quick motioning, Louie gets the message and hoists Olimar up on his shoulders. With the height advantage neutralized, Olimar starts to catch a few. That is, until DK comes from behind and knocks all three of them down. Link sees the collision out of the corner of his eye and comes to help Zelda, who gets up rather gingerly.
Zelda: That really hurt.
Link: There’s too many people around here, we need to protect ourselves. But how?
Zelda: A little magic. Get in close Link.
Zelda spreads out arms, as a blue ball of light appears overhead. She then drops to the ground, forming a blue barrier around the two of them.
Link: Nayru’s Love, I should have thought of that. Good thinking Zelda.
Zelda: They don’t call me sage of wisdom for nothing. Let’s get those apples.
With the early teams still struggling from the vicious collision and Jody throwing up, special abilities help Sonic/Tails and Link/Zelda complete the challenge first, both teams collecting their final apples at the same time. They are handed the next clue.
Sonic: Ride the Warpstar Express to Gourmet Race Racetrack, where a great feast awaits you.
“Teams must now head on foot to the edge of the forest, to the Warpstar Express station. There they will take one of the custom 2-person warpstars across the plains of
to Gourmet Race Racetrack. This obstacle course filled with barriers, heavy grass, water pits, and other obstructions is home to the annual Gourmet Race, held Thanksgiving week each year. The objective of the race is to grab the food items spread out around the course and eat them while running toward the finish line. Participants get points for the number of food items consumed, plus a bonus for defeating their opponent. The race is played out in one-on-one tournament play throughout the week, with the winners advancing to the next day’s competition. Dream Land
For the next challenge, the teams will come upon a new twist in the game…a double roadblock. In the first end of the detour, one member of the team must collect food items on the Gourmet Race Racetrack. There are ten different food items in total, differing from staples and comfort food like a carrot and an ice cream cone, to two of
’s most delectable foods of all, a Maxim Tomato and a Superspicy Curry. Once the ten items have been collected, the other member of the team must consume all the items, measuring approximately six pounds. Once all the food is gone, teams will receive their next clue. Dream Land
The warpstar ride is bumpy, but the teams arrive at the racetrack in good spirits. Once there, they head for the entrance foyer, where the clue box is.
Zelda: Goddesses, a double roadblock!
Link: Who’s ready to run and who’s ready to chow?
Zelda: I’ll do the eating.
Zelda: Yeah. They say
’s food is some of the best in the world, and far better than Hyrule’s, so why not? Dream Land
Sonic immediately hits the course and looks to bring back the food quickly to Tails, who has the unenviable task of eating it all despite his small stature. The much slower and methodical Link follows him. At this point they have a decent size lead on the other teams but two other teams are quickly catching up.
Diddy: **takes his hat off and points at the tree
DK: **smiles, showing all his teeth
Diddy: Eaaaggh! Eaaggh! **shows DK the clue, where it shows you can’t pick the apples by climbing as it’s against the rules
DK: **looks down for a few seconds, then claps his hands, then starts swaying back and forth like a drunken lunatic. In his haste he knocks into Fox, knocking him to the ground and causing him to drop two of his apples to the ground
Fox: Geez, go find your own target DK! That was mine!
Diddy: Hoo-hoo! **starts climbing the tree
One of the producers comes over as if to scold DK for presumably breaking the rules but DK donkey punches him. The producer goes flying into a tree. DK shouts at the other production crew, basically telling them to stay put or else.
Dedede: We have to collect the apples from Whispy.
Metaknight: Look at all the teams out there, and all the apples on the ground. They’re tripping over them and falling, and running into one another. It’s complete chaos out there, I love it!
Dedede: Yeah but we have to collect them too you know.
Metaknight: Oh yeah…
Dedede: Never fear. We might not be allowed to pick the apples directly, but I can float above the rest and catch them from midair.
Metaknight: You’re not as stupid as you look…let’s do this.
Diddy starts shaking the branches up top, and many apples fall in the direction of DK, who starts catching them one by one. Dedede swoops in and grabs several from the air. This goes on for about ten to fifteen seconds before the other teams realize what is happening and make a mad dash toward DK. The big gorilla beats it just in time, leading to another collision between Krystal, Olimar, Lyn, and Falcon. With the other teams on the ground, Diddy moves to the other side of the tree, allowing DK to catch his remaining quota, but not before Dedede vultures enough to get his team the next clue as well.
Dedede: Great, we’re headed to Gourmet Race Racetrack. We control this game now.
Meanwhile up at the racetrack, Sonic has had no trouble locating the ten different food items. Tails digs in, and is able to scarf down a pudding and a sunny-side up egg before Zelda gets her plateful. The two are complete opposites in terms of their eating habits, Tails digging in hard and getting food everywhere with his bare hands, Zelda electing to eat with utensils and take her time with each item. By the time Tails is halfway done, Zelda has only eaten two items. It was about this time that Dedede/Metaknight and Donkey/Diddy arrived at the racetrack.
Metaknight: Who’s ready to run and who’s ready to chow?
Dedede: You mean I don’t get to do both?
Metaknight: Sigh…it’s a double roadblock genius.
Dedede: Okay well, you better be fast collecting the food!
Meanwhile back at the tree, Ike and Lyn are looking forward to just getting the heck out of there. The last team to start the leg,
Nessand Lucas, has just arrived on the scene.
Ike: Lyn there’s another to your left! Get it!
Lady Lyndis, showing some visible bumps and bruises from earlier collisions, starts out for the apple. Fox sees this and he goes for it as well. Knowing she isn’t likely to win a jump ball situation with the Starfox leader, she fakes the jump and tries to duck under him but ends up low bridging him instead. Fox flips over his head, in the process dropping the apple right into Lyn’s basket. Fox lands on his back.
Krystal runs toward Fox, who is seeing stars.
Fox: We’re gonna break…through that fleet.
Lyn: Oh I’m so sorry, he came in so fast, I couldn’t get out of the way in time
Krystal: No need to apologize, he’s had worse falls than that. He’ll be fine. Besides, you got the apple.
Lyn: **looks down at the basket – Oh yes, how did that happen? That’s ten! Ike, we’ve got ten, go and get the clue!
Ike gets the thumbs up from the producer, and the two grab the clue and take off. They are closely followed by Olimar and Louie, who have collected their quota. The remaining teams continue to battle it out for the remaining apples.
Meanwhile back up at the makeshift picnic table at the finish line of the Gourmet Race Racetrack, Tails is about three quarters of the way done with his food. Dedede has plowed forward through his plate like a madman. Meanwhile, Zelda is still on just her 4th item, a glass of orange juice.
Zelda: This is actually quite delectable. Much better than the fruit juices we have at the castle.
Link: You do realize that this is a race, a little more speed would be appreciated.
Zelda: Oh, the hedgehog? Don’t worry, he’ll feel it in the pit of his stomach, right about…now.
Indeed as soon as Zelda makes her statement, Tails put down his ninth food item, a chicken leg. The look on Tails’ face indicates that he could hurl any second. Sonic tries not to look as Tails empties his load.
Zelda: Am I ever wrong with a prophecy? You must pace yourself well. I’ve seen feasts like this all my life in the castle, and I’ve seen many succumb to their haughty behavior.
Link: True statement, but what are we going to do about the gorilla and the penguin?
Across the table, DK starts scarfing down the items that Diddy brought to him. He pounds the table hard after each food, causing the plates of food to fly into the air. This causes the pudding on Zelda’s plate to land in her hair.
Zelda: Oh Farore. Good thing my hair is already brown.
The teams keep eating. Four more teams arrive including Louie/Olimar, Ike/Lyn, Falcon/Summer, and Fox/Krystal. Immediately Lyn, Falcon, Fox, and Olimar run out onto the Racetrack in search of the food items they need to bring back. Fox and Falcon do the quickest job and bring the food to the table. A couple of minutes later, Olimar arrives with the food for Louie. There just seems to be one problem.
Louie: Olimar, how am I going to eat this?
Olimar: With your mouth, silly.
Louie: I mean how can I put the food in my mouth if I’m wearing a helmet.
Olimar: Take it off.
Louie: And do what…die of oxygen poisoning?
Olimar thinks for a minute, then motions to a producer, explaining the situation. The producer merely shrugs his shoulders. After about another minute or so, Olimar grabs the clue envelope from the producer’s hands.
Olimar: We’ll surely get a time penalty for this, but it’s our only hope. Let’s go.
Metaknight: Those guys just left without eating any of the food. They can’t do that!
Dedede: Doesn’t matter to me. Read em and weep fellas! **Dedede shows his clean plate and smacks his tubby belly.
Metaknight: I think I love you. Let’s go. C’mon Dedede let’s go.
Dedede: What did you just say?
Metaknight: Let’s go?
Dedede: No, before that.
Metaknight: Uhh…I don’t remember but it doesn’t matter. Now let’s go before I slice you with my golden sword!
Teams must now ride wheelies to the historic Haliberd Warship. This warship, created by Metaknight and his cronies, is stationed in the
section of Popstar. Weighing nearly 800 tons and taking almost two years to build, this ship is powered by some of the most powerful jet engines in the Nintendo world. It is equipped with an extremely powerful twin cannon set capable of piercing the earth’s crust by up to forty feet in a single shot while bombing the enemy with the other barrel. Here, the teams must proceed to the bridge of the Haliberd, and use the upper cannon of the two to shoot down three stationary targets out over the ocean. If multiple teams are on site at once, the teams must take turns after every five shots. Once the teams have hit their three targets, they will receive their next clue. Grape Gardens
Back at Whispy Woods,
Nessand Lucas are finding that their biggest enemy is not the winds or other teams jostling for position, but all the apples on the ground. They continue to trip over them. It is not an easy climb back into the race for them.
Meanwhile back at the buffet table, Tails is still down for the count, having not touched any food since hurling. Zelda, plodding along methodically, is now on her final food item, the maxim tomato. Despite his strong appetite earlier, Mario is now struggling, in fact it appears as though he and Ike are just about ready to join Tails in club Pepto Bismol.
Mario: Momma Mia. My whole body feels mushy.
Luigi: Can’t help you there. Just take some time, you’ve been going really fast.
Mario: I-a wanted to catch up.
Luigi: Hey-a don’t think the kitsune is going anywhere fast. And neither is the burly swordsman, are you Ike?
Ike: Uggh…that curry is churning up my insides. I hate it in Brawl matches and I hate it now.
Lyn: You should go for something sweet and easy to counter the spice. Go for the cookie, it’s the smallest item and the sugar will neutralize the acidic flavor.
Luigi: You-a know much about food and cooking no?
Lyn: I was in a big family, so I had to learn…plus somebody’s got to do the cooking on the battlefield. I can’t expect the men of the group to be bothered with such things…
Seeing the example set by Zelda earlier, the women in the challenge, Summer and Krystal, have both taken the slow and steady approach. Although falling behind the men early, with their gastrointestinal strength failing, they begin to catch up.
Summer: What a bunch of lightweights. And he has the nerve to call himself Italian? **points at Mario.
Luigi: We’re-a actually from
, thank you. New York
? Never heard of such a place, is that somewhere in Lylat? New York
Mario: It’s-a long story. If I ever make it to the pit stop I’ll be-a sure to tell you about that plumbing job in
Brooklynback in ’85…
Up ahead at the Haliberd, Dedede finds that he is being chased by Donkey and Diddy, the former of whom evidently finished his food right after Dedede.
Dedede: Donkey’s right behind us!
Metaknight: Just shut up. This is my ship, I think I know how to shoot down a target with the twin cannon thanks.
Metaknight is true to his word, and he connects on the first two shots. He misses the third just as Donkey and Diddy retrieve their clue. He then scores on the next two to net four out of five on the first trial. Olimar and Louie, who arrived first, look on from the side of the bridge. Olimar hit on one of five shots in his first attempt.
Metaknight: See, there’s nothing to worry about. I have four and Mr. Antenna Helmet over here only got one. This gorilla here probably won’t hit one.
DK turned straight toward Metaknight, and gave him a nod.
Metaknight: Yeah, I said it. What are you going to do about it?
What Metaknight didn’t realize is that DK, had gone through years of honing his shooting skills through the use of his coconut launcher, a very similar type weapon as the twin cannon in every way except for scale. His first shot was a hit, and so was his second.
Metaknight: Beginner’s luck. Meanwhile Dedede is visibly starting to sweat.
Donkey steadied the cannon again, and hit on his third and fourth shot as well. The tension on the bridge of the warship was palpable as DK lined for the fifth and final shot. He aimed, checked the wind gauge, and fired. The shot zoomed through the air…bullseye.
Donkey and Diddy jumped up and down, making ape noises very loudly as they were handed the clue leading to the pit stop. Before leaving, Diddy approached the stewing Metaknight and handed him a banana, grinning from ear to ear.
Once off the ship DK reads the clue.
“Teams must now travel via warpstar to
. This mountain, the 2nd tallest mountain in Popstar behind Mount Dedede Mount Dynablade, is home to , home of King Dedede. While Dedede considers himself to be the sovereign ruler of Dedede Castle , the country is in reality very segregated in terms of government in power, with Kirby, Metaknight, Dedede, Dynablade, and a few others basically acting as warlords administering their own territories. At Dream Land is a beautiful arena, usually set up for boxing but can hold other events as well. Inside the boxing ring of Mount Dedede lies the pit stop for this leg of the race. The team that last makes it to this spot…may be eliminated.” Mount Dedede
Back at the buffet table, thanks to Lyn and Luigi’s dietetic advice, Ike and Mario are able to fight through their stomach bulging pains and finish their food. This happens right around the same time that Summer and Krystal are close to finishing. There are now five teams all headed toward the Halberd, just as
Nesshits the racetrack in search of the food items. Lucas awaits his arrival at the table, hoping somehow that they can catch up, not realizing that Olimar and Louie intentionally failed to complete the challenge.
Link and Zelda, now comfortably in third place, arrive at the bridge of the Halberd just after Dedede and Metaknight take off. Link lines up the cannon and hits two targets on his first attempt.
Zelda: I bet you that I can get more targets than you can.
Link: Go ahead and try then, this isn’t a roadblock. You might be good with arrows but you’re not as good as me. I’ve been training my whole life.
Zelda focuses her energy on the target. She misses the first time, but connects with two targets in a row. She misses the fourth but manages to connect on the fifth and final try, giving her team the required five hits.
Zelda: The Resistance allowed me to try out their bazooka weapon before they fired it on
. The twin cannon is a very similar weapon. Hyrule Castle
Link: I should’ve known there was a catch. You’re so mischievous!
Right as Link and Zelda hit their targets, the first team arrives at
. As they walk into the arena, Phil stands on the map of the Nintendo universe, with Kirby and Waddle Dee flanking him on either side. Mount Dedede
Waddle Dee: Welcome to
! Dream Land
“Donkey and Diddy Kong, you are team #1.”
Donkey and Diddy high five one another and make ape noises. DK then picks Diddy up and starts parading around the ring.
“As the winner of this leg of the race, you two have won a year’s supply of Dream Land Maxim Tomatoes, plus free airfare on Warpstar Express to any destination in the Nintendo Universe of your choosing, plus $2000 in spending cash.”
Donkey and DK look at one another after being handed the $2000. Their one-word response? Banana!
Metaknight and Dedede come in several minutes later. Metaknight is visibly disgusted with himself as they come down the tunnel.
“Metaknight is there a reason you’re so down.”
Dedede: Actually, DK hit all the targets on the Haliberd and Metaknight didn’t, that’s why we lost the leg, we could have won.
“Isn’t the Halberd your own ship?”
Metaknight: You better check yourself.
Phil shuts up immediately. Kirby gives Metaknight a coy look before rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably. Metaknight takes out his sword and goes after Kirby and the two start fighting behind the map. Several producers as well as Dedede try to get in their way as Louie and Olimar arrive.
“Louie and Olimar.”
“You two failed to complete a challenge during this leg. You gathered the food at the Gourmet Racetrack, but did not eat the food as required.
Louie: But our suits…we can’t breathe without them and the food…
“Regardless of the circumstances, the rules of the Race must be followed. I am imposing a two hour time penalty before you can check in.”
Olimar: Oh this stinks. Two hours! We’ll never make it now!
At the Racetrack, Lucas works feverishly to eat the food. He goes with a completely different strategy and goes for the ice cream and the cookie first before hitting the heartier foods.
Ness: Why did you eat the sweets first?
Lucas: Because I always eat the desserts first…don’t you?
Lucas eats very fast, continuing a fast tempo until he gets to the curry, his second to last item. Suddenly the young boy who looked like a nascent Takeshi Kobayashi is suddenly down for the count.
Ness: Oh no, we need to get past this and on to catching up! Come on Lucas, fight through it!
At the Haliberd, the remaining teams are all struggling on the twin cannon, except for Jody and Captain Falcon, who connect on five targets within three rounds of shots.
Falcon: That’s what I’m talking about…get me that clue! YEAAAHHAHH! **voice cracks
Everybody around Falcon starts laughing. Falcon’s face turns beat red.
“Link and Zelda…you are team #3.”
Zelda: Yes! **hugs Link
Ness: Lucas, just two more bites, you’re so close, you need this! We need this! It’s a chicken leg, you like chicken. Your mom makes it twice a week, you like it so much.
“Falcon and Summer…you are team #4.”
Olimar: This waiting is killing me. It’s just like whenever we travel to Zebes and their science nerds make us wait for hours for our transport parts and pieces. HFP hates going there too.
Louie: Yeah, except this has a lot more money at stake.
Olimar: True. How much time do we have left? An hour and five minutes? Ugh.
Mario: Momma-Mia Luigi! We didn’t hit any of the targets that time. And look, here come the little kids! They’ve-a caught up to us.
Luigi: I’ll give it my all next time. The gun’s just cumbersome and hard to steer. I’ve never seen anything like this, not even in the
. Valleyof Bowser
“Fox and Krystal…you are team #5.”
Ike: Lyn, you’re shooting the gun too high, you need to adjust for the trajectory and the wind!
Lyn: I’m trying, it’s very difficult, and the firing arm is on a timer, you only get so long for each shot, it’s tough. You only hit one the first time around.
Ike: You haven’t hit any!
Lyn: Please try to stay positive, I don’t need to be browbeaten by somebody who’s never fired a gun in his life and clearly doesn’t know how.
One by one, the teams complete the final challenge and make their way toward the end. By this time Kirby has his giant pot out and is cooking up all sorts of delectable treats for the participants who did not take part in the eating contest portion of the roadblock at Gourmet Race Racetrack.
Olimar: We’re down to ten minutes…we’re almost there.
Mario and Luigi and Lyn and Ike come roaring down the entranceway simultaneously. Lyn gets to the map first but the two plumbers beat the plodding Ike to the spot.
“Mario and Luigi, you are team #6. Which means that Lyn and Ike, you are team #7.”
The two teams are thrilled to still be in the race, despite their struggles in the leg.
Finally, Louie and Olimar report back from the soundproof room in which they spent the two hours and make it back to the map. They don’t have any idea what has transpired.
“Louie and Olimar, I’m sorry to report…”
Olimar: Oh, man I knew it.
“That you are team #8.”
Olimar drops to the ground hands on his helmet, and Louie jumps all over him. Their apparent misery is replaced by shock and happiness, for they are moving on.
Nessand Lucas arrive in the stadium. They are prepared for the worst.
Lucas: I know, we haven’t seen anybody all day. We’ll just see ourselves out.
“You are team #9.”
Nessand Lucas: WHAT?! They start jumping up and down hugging one another. Nesssheds a few tears of sheer happiness as they realize that their race will continue, having finished 2nd to last for the second leg in a row.
Nessand Lucas finish, Sonic and Tails come trudging down the entranceway. Their faces look extremely grim, but also show signs of exhaustion. Tails has sweat pouring down from head to toe and Sonic drops to a knee on the map, heaving heavily.
“Sonic and Tails, I’m sorry to say that you are the last team to arrive.”
Sonic: I kinda figured given that our warpstar crashed, we had to hike it up the mountain ourselves.
“You hiked up the mountain on your own, over 7000 feet on foot?”
Tails: Yeah, and it wasn’t fun either. My feet are blistered all over. No running around the loops of Green Hill Zone for quite some time.
“That’s just an unfortunate circumstance. In lue of that it’s really hard for me to say this, but you two have both been eliminated from the race.”
Sonic: That’s okay…we’re done running for a while. **Kirby hands Sonic a Maxim Tomato, hey hey, let’s do this again sometime! **runs out of the ring very fast, running right through the wall out to the summit of
. Mount Dedede
Tails: Hey, wait for me! Ouch, ouch, ouch, foot hurts, ouch!
Finish for Race Leg #3
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