The Amazing Race:
Nintendo Universe

By Stephen Stephano


Race Leg #5 – DK Isles


“This is Frigate Orpheon.  This SSBB arena, a unique venue in which the battle zone can move rapidly and even flip upside-down in the middle of play, is now the start of the fifth leg, in a race around the world.” 


“Fox and Krystal won the last leg of the race, so they will depart first, at 4:35pm.”


At the appointed time they open the clue. 


Fox: Fly to the DK Isles and head to Crystal Caves where you’ll find your next clue.” 


“Teams must now depart Zebes via airship and travel nearly sixty thousand miles to the DK Isles.  Once there, they will land near the top of Kong Island near the Crystal Caves, where they will find their next clue.”


Fox: Alright, let’s jet!


The airship is huge, and clearly capable of carrying all the teams at once, so all teams are back on relatively equal footing at the start of the leg.  However, once there, the teams are still sent off from the clue box in two minute intervals. 


Fox: Proceed into the caves and collect 10 crystal coconuts.

Krystal: Crystal coconuts?  An item named for me?

Donkey Kong: Gon-grawl!  Un-grut!

Fox: Ah yes, the translator on my wrist says that they are power-up items in this realm.


“The Crystal Caves, an interior cavernous area carved out by an underground river, are one of the grand natural wonders of the DK Isles.  During K.Rool’s invasion in 1999, they were the last line of defense for the kremling forces on Kong Island.  Featuring a giant ice castle as well as an igloo, the caves are naturally cooled by ice cold water flowing from the summit of Kong Island.  Here, the teams must search through the caves to find ten crystal coconuts, which are mythical objects that allow the inhabitants of the DK Isles to perform amazing feats, such as grow or shrink in size, become invisible, run extremely fast, and more.  Once teams have collected ten crystal coconuts, they will return to the cave entrance, where they will receive their next clue.”


Krystal: It’s so nice and cool in here.  Reminds me of Cerinia. 

Fox: Cerinia’s been gone so long it’s easy to forget about, but it was an ice planet like Fichina right? 

Krystal: Actually it wasn’t quite so harsh, but the majority of the surface world there was ice covered.  Before the Krazoa God destroyed it the planet had started to develop vegetation in spots, just like Fichina.  But after leaving the doomed planet, I landed on Sauria, which was practically an oven by comparison.

Fox: So when I first reached Sauria, you were wearing nothing but rags because of the climate?

Krystal: You liked what you saw, didn’t you?

Fox: **blushes


The foxes are quickly pursued by Olimar and Louie, then by Captain Falcon and Jody Summer, who all look to quickly find and excavate the necessary coconuts.  But they quickly find that very few of them are out in the open, and many are hiding within the various buildings, including the ice castle and the igloo as well as underneath the surface of the river. 


By the time the duo from Popstar hits the course, barely any coconuts have been found.  Metaknight quickly notices that there is an upper platform near the top of the caves, held up by some very tall stalagmites. 


Metaknight: Dedede, look up there!  I bet there’s a bunch of coconuts way up there.

Dedede: Yeah but how do we get up there?

Metaknight: You can float can’t you?  Let me hop on your back.


Dedede breathes in as much air as he can, filling his belly.  The resultant change in pressure causes him to rise off the ground and up to the top of the cave.  Much to their luck, a large supply of coconuts lies at the top.  The villains gather up their allotment and quickly float back downward, hoping to avoid detection by the other teams.  The teams out in the caves already do not see them, but the teams yet to start notice them up above the entranceway. 


Ike: Look at Dedede and Metaknight.  They’ve gone way up into the air.  And they look like they’ve got whatever they are looking for.

Lyn: What’s that?

Ike: Don’t know, can’t read the clue, but they look like crystals of some kind.  Maybe there’s a whole bunch of them on the upper platform.

Mario: How would-a we get up there? 

Luigi: I don’t know, it’s too high to wall jump.

Ike: I read once that the DK Isles are full of banana teleport warps.  Maybe we could find one somewhere in the caves that will lead us up there. 

Luigi: Sounds-a like a plan.  How much time until we start?

Mario: One minute Luigi.


Hot on Dedede and Metaknight’s tail is Donkey and Diddy, who quickly infiltrated the igloo and found the necessary coconuts.  Both teams reach the starting point about the same time Mario/Luigi, Ike/Lyn, and Link/Zelda start the leg.  Only Ness/Lucas are yet to begin the leg. 


Metaknight: Double u-turn ahead.  Go bananas or map it out.

Dedede: I like bananas


“With the help of Kong animal friends Ellie, Expresso, Rambi, Squitter, and Squawks, teams must now head down the mountainous trail along the west end of Kong Island, dropping over 3000 feet in elevation over a seven mile trek to Jungle Japes.  This jungle region, one of three in the lower end of the DK Isles, is home to both ends of this detour.  Once there, teams will proceed to Wrinkly’s Save Cave, the home of the now deceased Kong matriarch, Wrinkly.  From there teams will have the option of sorting and counting bananas at Kong’s Banana Horde or collecting the blueprints at Snide’s HQ. 


At the banana horde, the teams must sort and count out five groups of fifty bananas for each of the five main banana varieties; yellow, red, green, blue, and purple.  They will be checked by five members of the Kong family, Candy, Dixie, Chunky, Lanky, and Tiny.  Once the Kongs are satisfied with the teams’ work, they will be handed their next clue.


At Snide’s HQ, teams will search through the various boxes of blueprints and piece together a puzzle of the Kremling Blast-O-Matic.  This giant explosive weapon, capable of destroying large land masses, was created by the kremlings in 1999 in an attempt to destroy Kong Island.  Once Snide determines that the puzzle has been completed correctly, they will receive their next clue.”


Donkey: Un-grut!  **tears open the clue

Diddy: AAAH!  AAAH!

Donkey: BANANA!


Back in the caves, Zelda and Link find another use for their magic abilities.


Zelda: Link, cast Farore’s wind.  I’ll teleport the ball of light up to the tall platform. 

Link: Sounds like a plan.  **throws his hand toward the ground, then gives off a shout and raises his arms, creating a green ball of light.  Zelda shoots out a streak of golden light, moving the green up close to the ceiling of the cave. 


Lyn: That’s some strong magic power you two have.  What does it do?

Zelda: The spell is called Farore’s Wind, it is a teleportation spell.  We’re going to use it to reach the high platform. 

Lyn: How many people can warp at the same time? 

Zelda: Up to three, I believe.  Most hyrulian magic works in factors of three.

Link: You’ll probably feel a little woozy, but it’ll go away.  Hold our hands Lyn.


Lyn takes Zelda and Link’s hands and Link recasts the spell, whisking them away to the warp point high above on the floating platform. 


Lyn: Wow, that was neat.  Wait until I tell Ike!

Link: **grabs crystal coconuts.  There are enough up here for everybody, more than enough. 

Zelda: We’re out of here!  **they warp back to the surface of the cave.


Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi are struggling.  They make their way over into the igloo, where Captain Falcon and Jody Summer are struggling as well.  Ignoring their counterparts for a moment, Mario searches the snow and ice covered surface.  Before long he makes a shocking discovery. 


Mario: Psst, Luigi. 

Luigi: What is it?

Mario: There’s something here, it looks like a banana warp.

Luigi: What’s that?

Mario: They are plates in the ground that take you to new places.  I a-stumbled upon one way back in 81 trying to save Pauline.  Here a-watch this, tell me when the other team has their back turned.

Luigi:  No, not yet…okay now.

Mario: **stomps his hands to the plate, causing a banana to zip from nowhere around him, and unzip him out of existence. 


Luigi is amazed by this, but makes no move toward the plate, instead pretending to look for coconuts alongside Falcon and Summer.  Mario returns several minutes later with an armful of coconuts obtained on the uppermost platform, which the warp took him to. 


Falcon: Hey where did you guys find those?

Luigi: Just-a-keep looking in the ice, you’ll-a find them eventually.  Right Mario?

Mario: Ta-dum-dee Luigi!


Meanwhile at Kong’s Banana Horde, Donkey and Diddy move quickly into gear, gathering up the bananas in front of their family.  They know exactly where all the different bananas lie, of which there are thousands upon thousands within the giant cave-like structure.  Metaknight and Dedede look to keep up but once again Dedede’s speed or lack thereof is a factor. 


Metaknight: Look, we’ve lost them again!  Will you please try to move with more pace than a snail for once in your life.

Dedede: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that I was being belittled by a dress-wearing pansy.

Metaknight: It’s a cape, not a dress.  Get your facts straight. 

Dedede: And your face is a disfigured blue mashup.

Metaknight: That’s why I have a mask, thank you very much.

Dedede: Yeah, and don’t take it off, you’ll turn every child in Dream Land to stone.

Metaknight: Errr…


After working hard to pan the crystal coconuts out of the river, a soaked Fox and Krystal have found enough to advance.  They catch up with the other three teams, and they all select animals to ride down the mountain.


Link: I’m liking the ostrich

Lyn: We’ve got the elephant.  **Ellie sprays Ike with water from her trunk, to which Lyn laughs.

Mario: I-a say, the spider looks rather cool with all those shoes. 

Fox: Cool, we’ve got the dinosaur!  **points at Rambi

Krystal: Uh Fox, that’s a rhinoceros.

Fox: But it has four legs, and a horn, and and…ah screw it.


Rambi charges so fast down the mountain that Fox and Krystal get ahead but he eventually wipes out running off a jagged cliff.  Fox lands hard on his back and Krystal lands directly on top of him. 


Fox: Good grief why do you always get to be on top?

Krystal: Do you really have to ask? 


While Fox and Krystal try to revive Rambi, Expresso and Squitter lead their teams through the air, and Ellie moves more conservatively along the ground.  Link and Zelda make it to the clue box first. 


Link: Double u-turn, go bananas or map it out.

Zelda: I am really good with maps, let’s do that one.


Mario and Luigi elect to do the maps as well, and take off behind Link and Zelda.  Lyn and Ike make the same decision and follow.  Fox and Krystal arrive last, having goaded Rambi into limping the rest of the way.  They are about to head for the banana horde when they notice something in the tropical grass, a fast forward clue!


Krystal pounces on it quickly.  The clue hints at a road into the woods leading to an amusement park. 

Fox: Finish first or you’re last.

Krystal: Maybe it’s a racecar track or a mine cart ride?

Fox: This is a big risk, if we don’t complete it we could be u-turned and out of the race.

Krystal: But we won last leg and got a lot of money.  If we win this leg who knows what might be waiting for us.

Fox: You’re right, let’s go for it.


“The fast-forward for this leg of the race takes place here, at Krazy Kremland Amusement Park.  This amusement park, first opened in 1995, is the longest running amusement park in the Nintendo world and features over 60 rides and attractions, including two of the world’s largest beehives, Hornet Hole and Rambi Rumble.  It also features the most furious roller coaster in the Nintendo world, called Rickety Race.  In this challenge, a competing team will race with 9 other teams of Kremlings to the end of the mine cart track.  A first-place finish completes the challenge, allowing the team to skip all other tasks during this leg.  If they finish 2nd or worse, or fall off the track, the challenge is failed and they must return to Wrinkly’s Save Cave.”


Meanwhile at Kong’s Banana Horde, Diddy and Donkey put the finishing touches on the banana collecting challenge.  Donkey and Diddy receive the clue from Candy and Dixie, the Kong family coming together for a group hug.


Diddy: **reads the clue.  Eeee-oooowww!

Donkey: Ooohh-waaahnn!


“Teams must now head to the north beaches of Kong Island to Funky’s Rentals.  This vehicle rental pad operated by Funky Kong was first opened in 1994, and provides vehicle transport needs to all the DK Isles by way of motorboats, hovercraft, jet ski watercraft, barrel planes, and gyrocopters.  Once here, teams will board a barrel plane to Hideout Helm, the penthouse home of K.Rool on Kremling Island.  At this insidious kremling hideout, teams will complete a pair of bonus barrel challenges to power down their section of the mighty kremling gun weapon, the Blast-O-Matic.  Once teams have completed both of their required bonus barrels, the teams will receive their next clue.”


The teams still remaining in the cave are struggling mightily.  Olimar and Louie have gotten lost, while Ness and Lucas simply cannot find any coconuts.  Falcon and Summer finally find their last coconut in the winter hut, and head for the animals to take them down the mountain. 


Over at Snide’s HQ, the teams quickly gather the different colored blueprints and begin work on the puzzle of the Blast-O-Matic. 


Ike: I think this one goes over here. 

Lyn: There’s nothing on that one at all, it must be a corner piece. 


Zelda: This is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  They say that this could wreck entire villages?

Link: That’s what I was told.  Scary huh?

Zelda: I never want weapons like this in our realm.  Hand me that piece it goes in this spot.


Mario: Momma Mia Luigi!  This thing has to be fifty feet high or more!

Luigi: Don’t give Bowser any ideas.

Mario: Well he already has Banzai Bills.  Those are quite destructive. 

Luigi: Not-a like this.  K.Rool is one demented animal.

Mario: Yeah, and to think I used to fight against DK…


Over at Krazy Kremland, Fox and Krystal get ready for their trip down the Rickety Race mine cart track.  There are 10 starting spots at the start of the course, all filled with kremlings except for them.  The ride operator counts down from 3, and the green flag drops.  They take off with all speed, and do well off the break, moving into 4th place.  There is no room to pass early in the course, as it is only one lane wide.  They scream downhill at speeds approaching eighty miles per hour, hitting several bumps and having to jump over the holes in the track.  Finally an uphill comes their way, just as they close in on 3rd place.


Fox: Hold on Krystal, we’re going to jump over them!

Krystal: Jump?!  Uhhh…


Just before the ensuing downhill, Fox jumps the kart into the air.  They fly high overhead, passing the third place team and landing back on the track at the bottom of the hill.  The jump has increased their speed, moving them past 2nd place on the 2-lane wide turn.  Before long they close in on the lead.  Fox pushes the speed as hard as it will go, but they are still behind.  They go over more jumps and then another downhill.  The end is coming up. 


Fox: Krystal hold tight, this is going to be rough!


An upward jump to a higher ledge in the track is coming up.  Krystal’s eyes widen as she sees Fox pull up early, sending them airborne.  They land right on top of the kremling team in the lead, knocking them off the track.  They land diagonal to the track, wobbling in and out of control as they careen across the finish.


Krystal: That was amazing Fox, we just knocked them straight out and saved our race!

Fox: They don’t call us mercenaries for nothing.  Let’s find that pit stop!


“Once all tasks have been completed, teams must make their way to Krem Co. Industries.  This factory, built in 1999, is the manufacturing site for all toys in the DK Isles, though it has been rumored to be a launching pad for all kremling schemes over the years.  This factory floor is the pit stop for this leg of the race.  The last team to check in here…may be eliminated.”


At the blast-o-matic, Diddy and DK are battling through their barrel challenges.  Diddy is tasked with collecting ten DK coins out of a large barrel of water.  Donkey is placed in front of a barrel slot machine, and he needs to get a banana jackpot.  Donkey spins the jackpot and gets a banana on the first tile but gets a crystal coconut on the second.  A grape and an orange follows. 


DK:  Uhh…oooh (spins again)  This time he gets banana on the first two, then a DK coin shows up.  Donkey beats his fist into the machine.  He spins it again.  This time bananas come up on the first three tiles.  DK smiles until the fourth is revealed, a red balloon. 


DK: Tauugh!  Tauugh!


Back at Snide’s HQ, Ness and Lucas have shown up on the scene.  The other teams are already gone, and with a speed bump still to come, they know they must complete the puzzle quickly. 


Ness:  The base is a circle.  Here pass me that piece over there!

Lucas: No Ness, that’s one of the guns.  It has to be higher up.  Pass me the piece by your left hand, I think it connects to the base. 

Ness:  (passes Lucas the piece) You’re right, it does connect.  Pass me the pieces with the other guns on them!


The two boys quickly make it through and complete the challenge.  Snide hands them their next clue, which just happens to be the speed bump.


“Because Ness and Lucas finished last in the previous leg, they now must complete a speed bump challenge.  This speed bump takes them to Gloomy Galleon, a lagoon at the lowest point of Kremling Island.  Once there, they must make their way to Shipwreck Lagoon, where they will ride another of the Kong animal friends, Enguarde, to the bottom of the lagoon.  On the bottom of the lagoon they will search through the ruins of K.Rool’s treasure ship, the Gangplank Galleon, to find 25 golden doubloons.  Once the doubloons have been recovered, they will be allowed to continue the race.” 


Ness:  Blurb-bluurb!


Lucas turns to Ness, wondering what the heck he could be saying underneath the water.  Ness realizes his error and points toward a treasure chest along the ruined ship’s wall.  They peer inside, only to find it empty.


Lucas:  Bluuuuurb! (bubbles everywhere)


Meanwhile, back at Kong’s Banana Horde, Captain Falcon and Jody Summer frantically race to catch up to the other teams.  The two quickly collect bananas of every sort and pack them into boxes.  Falcon continues to race around, picking up valuable time until he absent-mindedly runs into a box of purple bananas, inadvertently mixing them with green.


Chunky Kong:  Unnt-uhh!  Unnt-uhh!  Tiny.  Tiny comes over and verifies that the boxes are no good and they must start over on those two colors.

Summer: Oh now look what you’ve done!  Watch where you’re going!  I swear you run like you drive, right into the rails!

Falcon: At least I don’t stand around complaining!  Show me your moves!


Summer springs into action, grabbing two hordes of bananas quickly and sorts them into neat piles.  Before Falcon can even speak they are boxed up nice and neat.  Candy and Dixie inspect the bananas and give a high pitched shout.  They are presented with the clue. 


Summer: Score one for organization. 

Falcon: Yeah whatever.  Power down the Blast-o-Matic.  Great, a challenge I can actually do.


At the Blast-o-Matic, DK is still struggling with the slot machine when the three chasing teams appear.  Link is given a swinging vines challenge, Zelda a riding mine cart challenge where she must avoid the TNT barrels on the tracks.  Metaknight must shoot a group of targets with a coconut gun, while Dedede must battle a group of kremlings.  Lastly, Lyn is tasked with collecting DK coins from a barrel of bananas, and Ike must make his way through a giant maze to find a lone blue balloon.


DK spins the slot machine again.  By this time it is badly deformed from the physical punishment DK has inflicted on it.  On this spin, one banana shows up, then two, then three.  Finally, a fourth banana shows up.  DK starts beating his chest as Diddy runs over to grab the clue. 


Phil stands on the floor of Krem Co. alongside four common kremlings, Kritter, Krusha, Klump, and Knocka.  Before long, the first team appears from beyond the factory gates.


Klump:  Welcome to Kremling Company.


“Fox and Krystal, you are team #1!”


Fox and Krystal shout and hug one another.  It is their second victory in a row.


“As the winners of this leg of the race, you have won a trip for two from Koopa Air, and you will be traveling to luscious Lake Orangatanga.” (Krystal’s eyes light up at this knowledge)  You will spend 5 nights at the Barnacle Island Resort, a location complete with beaches and all amenities.  You’ll take a tour of the lake region, including the Murky Mill historic site and Skidda’s Row ski resort and examine over 50 different types of shells with the resort’s purveyor himself, Barnacle Bear.” 


Fox:  That sounds really cool.  Glad we won again.

Krystal: It’ll definitely give us some alone time…that’s always nice. 


About five minutes after Fox and Krystal check in, DK and Diddy stroll in, oblivious to the unhappy faces on the kremlings.


“DK and Diddy, you are team #2.” 


DK puts his hands over his head while Diddy throws his hat on the ground and stomps it.  They literally cannot believe they have been defeated on home soil when they were ahead after every challenge.  The whole time they thought they were leading.


“Why so unhappy guys?”


DK ponders this for a minute, and then realizes what has happened. 


Donkey:  Fooooooxxxx!! **storms off and punches a camera


One by one, the teams stream in behind Donkey and Diddy.  Lyn & Ike are first to appear.  Then Metaknight & Dedede show up at the pit stop with Link & Zelda right on their heels.  As the sun begins to set, Mario & Luigi come strolling in, followed closely by Olimar & Louie.  Only two teams remain on the course.


The eighth team comes strolling into the factory.  They are depressed, and look like they are deeply worried.


“Falcon and Summer.  Congratulations you are still in this race, you are team #8.”


Summer: Whoa…phew, good to hear that.  She quickly hugs Falcon but pulls away just as quickly.  Falcon realizes that his hot-headed personality has not served them well on this day.


With darkness setting in, a damp, tired, and sore Ness and Lucas make their way into the factory.


Knocka: Welcome to Kremling Company.


Ness: Thank you, thank you.


Ness and Lucas.  I’m sorry to say that you are the last team to arrive.”


Lucas: Yeah we kinda figured that.


“And I’m also sorry to say that this time you have been eliminated from the race.” 


Ness: Yeah we sorta figured that too.  That speed bump really slowed us down.  We must have searched for hours inside that ship.


“You two fought really hard and came through a lot to get this far.  Had another team made a mistake you could have advanced today.” 


Lucas: Well, that’s alright.  We’ll go back to Onett with some amazing memories.  The winners just better watch out next Smash Brothers season.


“Is that a threat?” 


Ness:  It’s a promise.  We will have our revenge.  


Results for Leg #5:

1st – Fox & Krystal

2nd – Donkey & Diddy

3rd – Lyn & Ike

4th – Dedede & Metaknight

5th – Link & Zelda

6th – Mario & Luigi

7th – Olimar & Louie

8th – Falcon & Summer

9th – Ness & Lucas (eliminated)



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