Chapter 2: The Birds and the Snakes
The following morning Link said his good-byes to the kind Lord, his wife Vera, and their baby Rose. He headed straight for Lon Lon Ranch to talk to Malon. It took around a week to get there but he made it. Malon was on her break and was sitting in the middle of the pasture at the ranch collecting flowers.
"Hi Link, what are you doing here?" she said in her sweet tone of voice.
"Well I have a question to ask you. Where do babies come from?"
"Oh E-V-E-R-YBODY knows that," she said with confidence.
"What is it then?"
"They come from a stork."
"What's a stork?"
"A big bird that has white feathers and a BIG_LONG_BEAK!"
Link was somewhat surprised by this information.
"How can a bird get you a baby?"
"Its easy, my daddy told me all about it. You see, he said that a boy and a girl have to want a baby first. So they get drunk, and they have to be next each other that night. The stork approaches the girl. First it lays an egg. Than it pulls out a snake. The snake attaches itself with the egg and the stork takes it's long beak to and sticks the egg and snake inside her ."
"WHOA, wouldn't that hurt?"
"Nah, Daddy said it feels pretty good," she said.
"Well, maybe I can have a baby. Maybe two...or even THREE!!" he said smiling.
"You can't have a baby, silly."
"Why not," he whined.
"Because men hunt the stork, so it only goes near girls because we think they are the most beautiful birds in Hyrule."
"Awwwww, that's not fair." He crossed his arms and slumped down a little bit.
"Its okay Link, HEY I GOT AN IDEA!" commented Malon.
"What is it?"
"We could ask the stork for a baby, and we could share it."
"COOL, what do we do first?" he asked.
"Well like I said we have to get drunk."
"But where are we going to get that much ale at?"
"Hmmmm, that's a toughy, wait I got it! All we have to do is do what the Greeks do."
"We get a bathtub and a bunch of grapes and use that as are way of getting drunk."
Three hours later after stomping on grapes....
"Malon, do you think this is enough grapes?"
"Hmmmm, yeah 13 gallons of wine should be JUST enough to get us drunk, besides my feet are turning purple," she said as they both chugged down their homemade booze and after that was done...
"Malooooon, whats we were doin earliayar?" Link said as he began to giggle like a school girl.
"I doesn't no but its may bee impertants," she said as she swayed back and fort.
Soon after gathering magic from the field, Navi finds the drunk hero and the not-so-sober maiden.
"LINK, MALON, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU and why are your feet purple?" asked Navi.
"Hee Hee Hee, itsa ball ef light *hickup*ies dat a strok?" asked Link.
Malon glared at Navi with her neck extended a bit and narrowed eyes."Hmmmmm, it gots wingz.....anda it fliez,....yep... itsa stork."
"Letsus catch it and getz baby, then uz strok two make FRIED CHICKEN!!!" he said as he pulled out the Kokori sword. Soon the intoxicated duo were out chasing the little fairy.
"LINK, I'M NO STORK, I'M YOUR PARTNER NAVI, STOP I....huh?"
Navi stopped her statement when she realized Link tripped, fell, and was fast asleep, along with Malon. Ingo was laughing all throughout the chase.
"*Wah ha ha*, I can't believe that those two got drunk over 13 gallons of grape juice," Ingo said to Navi.
"What will happen to Link, will he be like this.....FOREVER?"
"Nah, he'll simple wake up with a bad headache and forget the little chase ever started."
The following morning....
"Owwww, my head," said Malon.
"Did the stork came yet?" asked Link as he rubbed his eyes.
"I don't know, let's check for snake and stork prints."
"Not a one."
"Malon, do you want to try again?" asked Link.
"I can't, I have to do my chores today, maybe later on in the week."
"Yeah.....I gotta go find a stone, hey...hold on a sec, do you think storks live at Lake Hylia?" he asked as he placed his sword back in its case.
"I don't know, why don't you go there and check it out?"
"I'll do that, well bye"
And with that Link headed out towards the Zora Domain. He knew it would cut weeks off of the trip there. Two weeks later he reaches the Zora River. He approached the waterfall that hid the Domain. Link pulled out his Fairy Ocarina and began playing Zelda's lullaby. The rushing waters soon calmed down to a small trickle and he entered without hesitation.
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