Brass and Door Knockers

By Rachel

    Zelda and Link had been married for some years. They had a 9 year old boy called Mirako and a 5 year old daughter called Samia. (Authors note - I know there weird names. But I couldn't think of anything else so bear with me!!) Link was in the castle gardens, reading a book on Swords. "Link?" Asked Zelda coming up behind him looking worried, "Ummmmmmmm?" Replied Link underlining a sentence. "Look what I found in Mirako's room." Zelda held a nude magazine in front of him. "Umm very nice" Said Link not looking up, Zelda rolled her eyes and thrust it under his nose, "It's a dirty magazine Link." Said Zelda angrily, "Good, good." Said Link distantly reading a paragraph on parrying attacks, Zelda took a deep breath trying to remain calm, "He's in the bathroom right now, and He's been in there for half an hour. Do you know what this means Link?..." When Link didn't answer Zelda continued, "Sex." Said Zelda simply, "Wonderful wonderful, that's wonderful to hea - Did you say sex?" Asked Link dropping the book, realising he was missing something important, "Yes Link, Mirako had this in his room." Zelda handed him the magazine. "Oh, should I go talk to him?" Asked Link getting up and brushing grass of his tunic. "It would be useful." Said Zelda, Link nodded and walked away.

    Link knocked on the bathroom door, "Son? You in there?" He called, "Erm, yeah,wait a second dad! "Called Mirako, Link sighed and opened the door, Mirako was sitting on the toilet seat flicking through a magazine, "What you reading?" Asked Link snatching it off him, "Nothing its nothing!!" Cried Mirako trying to snatch it back. Link looked at the cover, there was a picture of a half naked gerudo on the front. "Son...You shouldn't be reading thi - oooooh a gerudo special. Gerudo's are hot!" Said Link, Mirako grinned, "Scootch over." Said Link eyes still glued to the cover, Mirako moved over and Link sat next to him.

    They had flicked through half the magazine when there was a knock at the door, "Yeah?" Called Link, "Is everything Ok? You've been a while, can I come in?" Called Zelda. Link jumped up and locked the door, "We'll be out in a minute." Called Link, "Well, why can't I come in?" Called Zelda rattling the handle. "I'm just having a man to man with Mirako!" Said Link, Zelda rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah and what are you doing?" She asked, "Reading a magazine" Said Link before he could stop, Zelda frowned, "What type of magazine?" She asked, "Erm...." Link frowned, "WOH DAD LOOK AT THESE KNOCKERS!!!!" Cried Mirako, Link glared at Mirako who didn't notice, "Knockers????" Called Zelda rattling the door again, "Erm, yeah, door knockers, we're reading a magazine on door knockers!" Cried Link, "Door knockers?" Muttered Zelda in confusion, "DAD LOOK AT THIS ASS!!" Cried Mirako, Link turned round and put a finger on his lips, "SHHHHHHHHHHH" He cried, "What did he just say?" Asked Zelda. "Err, BRASS!!! He said Brass, nice brass door knockers, we should get a lion head door knocker Zel!" Cried Link lamely, "Oh for Dins sake Link open the flaming door!" Cried Zelda, "Ok." Said Link snatching the Magazine off Mirako and stuffing it in his tunic.

    Later that evening Link was in bed flicking through the magazine he got off Mirako, "What's that?" Asked Zelda, "Oh, something that Mirako was reading but don't worry I took it off him." Said Link, Zelda took it off him and shook her head. "Do you think that these girls are prettier than me?" She asked, "No way Zel, I'd prefer your brass and knockers any day!" Said Link, Zelda tilted her head, "Wah?" She asked, Link smiled and winked, Zelda shrugged and turned off the light. Then just as it struck midnight Zelda sat up, frowning, "LINK!!!!!!!!!!"

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