'Wow Zelda this sure is a great raft!' Link said happily as he and Zelda clinked their champagne glasses while floating along a glittery river with beautiful scenery.
'I know! I got some of the moblins to make them for me!' Zelda told him, sighing as they gazed into each other's eyes. 'I hypnotized them!'
A dazed Moblin stumbled past, with the usual cartoon spirals in it's eyes to indicate it was still hypnotized.
'Good on you!' Link chortled.
'So Link….' Zelda said edging towards him on the raft, moving her eyebrows up and down suggestively.
'Uh…do you have a nervous tick or something?' Link said unsurely edging away.
'Uh no!' Zelda said blushing. She edged so far that the raft tipped and she fell over board! 'Argh!' She gurgled and grabbed hold of the bank and climbed to safety. She called after Link but he just laughed and waved.
'Finally!' He sighed. 'Thought I'd never get rid of her! Now where's Malon…'He glanced around the bank and caught sight of a girl galloping along the side, keeping up with his raft.
'Yoo hooo!' She called waving at him vigorously. She caught a vine and pulled herself off the horse and swung onto the raft with Link.
'Malon, Baby!' He said hugging her and giving her bottom a pinch.
'Oooooh! Matron!' She giggled and gave him a pretend slap.
'So Malon…like my raft?'
'It sure is great Link! You made it yourself?'
'Uhhh….sure!' Link said looking away. He had to look cool by pretending he had MANLY CARPENTING skills.
'Oh. Cool! Um Link….I have something to tell you…' She said looking at her tummy.
'What Malon my liver dumpling?' Link said. Malon glared at him and he gave her an apologetic look.
'I'm pregnant!' Malon squealed.
Link dusted off his hands.
Suddenly he saw a big leaf flying through the sky with Saria on top. Link's heart dropped.
'Darn those magic beans….I WANT DAISY BACK!' Link dropped to his knees and howled for his long lost cow.
'Link?' Saria said uncertainly peering at him.
'Oh hi.' Link stopped sobbing at once and got up. 'Please sit down and- WHAT THE HELL?' He pointed to the sky and put on a face of fake horror.
'What?' Saria said, spinning round to look.
*dusting of hands*
'Ahhhh!' Link said.
5 minutes passed and Link needed another women in his life. Suddenly he had an idea.
'OOH! WOW! LOOK AT MY JEWELS! RUBIES, EMERALDS, SAPPHIRES, AMETHYSTS! WOW!'
Suddenly Nabooru the beautiful gerudo thief dropped down from nowhere.
'GIMME!!!' She roared, crying out a bloodcurdling death cry.
'Um…hey Nabie…' Link said smoothly, eyeing her flirtatiously.
Nabooru giggled, fell on the floor and started a seizure. She rolled off the raft, out of control. But don't worry, the shock of the cold water brought her back to her senses.
'There's just no girl for me!' Link said, starting to cry again. Suddenly there was a flash of smoke and Impa stood there in her revealing clothes.
'Impa!' Link cried. He grabbed her waist and caught her in a passionate twirly kiss. Tonsil Tennis to be exact. It went on for 5 minutes and soon enough, Impa suffocated and dropped to the floor. Link didn't realise and carried on kissing the air. Immediately, a random gerudo dropped down and took her place. Link didn't exactly recognise the smell so he pulled back and threw his 4th women over board and then cradled the dead love in his arms, weeping. Suddenly he spotted Twinrova on the bank and dropped her into the water by accident. She sneered at him and turned into the two hags again.
'Ah well.' He said 'I don't need a women in my life.'
Underneath him Ruto was swimming and heard him. Excited he popped up, grabbed his ankle and before pulling him down to a forced marriage said 'Maybe you need a fish then!'
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