Link decides to move out of kokiri forest and into a bigger place. In other words, a place where little kids don't stop following you around wondering where they have seen you before and asking if they can try out your sword, when you come to get some milk from THE COW WHICH TAKES UP ROOM AND HAS SERIOUS ATTITUDE PROBLEMS!
Link walks into a estate agents with Navi and sits down to find Ingo sitting there with a vein standing out on his forehead from grinning in an alarming way so much.
Ingo: (gritting teeth) Hello…sir…how can I….(shudders)help…?
Link: (sighing)how d'you think?
Navi: Hes a bit egdy. He's been living in a …lets say… immature establishment?
Link: IT'S FULL OF KIDS! AND THAT BOGGIN COW!!!SHE'S ALWAYS SAYIN I MILK HER TO TOUGH, YOU CAN'T HELP IT , SHE ALWAYS TENSES UP LIKE I'M DISEASED, AND SHE SNORES LIKE'MOOOO-SNORT-MOOOOO-SNORT! AND THOSE KIDS SAYIN 'where do I remember you from? 'I'VE GROWN UP DAMMIT!!! I HAVE EXACTLY THE SAME CLOTHES AND THE SAME ANNOYIN FAIRY-Navi gasps-YEH THAT'S RIGHT!
Link sits back in his seat breathing heavily while everyone else stares at him alarmed. The manager walks over.
Manager: Is this your…friend Ingo?
Ingo:well…
Link: (stands up to face him)Yeh gotta problem big nose?
Manager: (turns red while trying to control his anger) Ingo…
Ingo: (gabbering) I know him yes from my last job when he got me fired by winning that darn horse! But now he's come to buy a house from me and he's just upset-
Manager: You're fired!
Ingo: WAT!!!(turns to Link who's trying to look innocent)
Link: (starts singing while doing a Britney spears dance) #Oops I did it again-#
Manager: ARE YOU GONNA PIPE DOWN AND BUY A HOUSE OR ARE YOU GONNA GET OUT?!?!
Link: (stops ,sits down and stares at his feet) Sorry sir…
Manager: You can go with Barry.
A midget with big teeth appears.
Barry: Lets go house hunt baby!!!
Link: Sorry but the sages said I'm not allowed to use my sword for hunting wildlife…
Barry: (sighing) Just forget it, lets go get you a house buddy!
Link: Are you talking to yourself cos I thought your name was Barry…
They come to their first house and Barry starts his speech…
Barry: Now this house was built in the year1256. This house was built the same year that old Queen Melissa reigned!
Link: MAN that's old!
Navi: Wait a minute… Didn't Queen Melissa die at exactly 12 in the morning on new years day? So she didn't exactly reign that year-
Barry: Well…hypothetically…
Link: Whatever…what's the neighbourhood like?
Barry: Wellll…
A stampede of moblins rush by being chased by teenagers with flaming sticks.
Link: I think we'd better move on…
Barry: Yeh ok…
The next house they go to is a nice cosy cottage which had screeching mothers who were bouncing they're babies like basket balls and throwing them at passers by.
Link: Nope.
After that they went to a block of flats which were quite nice but the neighbours appeared to be saddling up Octo's and riding them into town, shooting they're ammo as they went.
Link shook his head and they went back to the estate agents with weird look on his face.
Barry: I'm afraid those are the only houses we have to sell in the area you want at the moment so I'm afraid you'll have to chose between those three.
Link thought for a moment.
Link: I think I'll stick with the tree house thanks…
Barry: WHAT?!?!? But I thought you hated it!
Link: Listen mate, I have nearly been trampled by teenagers and moblins, I have had little kids chucked at me who were wanting to go through a hoop and don't even get me started on the Octo's!!! Anywhere's better than those places! Even the Kokiri!!! Come on Navi!
THE END
Back to Story Menu