The Hylian Parliament

By Ellie

Author's Note: This is a short humour about something that never showed up in the game. Assuming that the Parliament in Hyrule is oblivious to what's been going on in Link's adventure, they come together to discuss the strange things that have been happening lately. Enjoy! :)

“Order! Order!” called Frees, banging his gavel. “This meeting of the Hylian Parliament will come to order!” All of the powdered wig-donned men took their seats.

“There has been an epidemic!” he continued.

“An epidemic of what?” asked Philip. “Is it that nasty fever again?”

“No sir,” said Frees grimly. “This can only be described as the work of a delinquent!” The members tittered angrily at this. Frees had to bang the gavel several more times before it became quiet.

“First, about seven years ago, a young lad came to Castle Town. The first thing he did was to enter someone’s room, completely destroy all of their pottery, and steal their rupees!”

“Whose house was it?” said Hale

“It was the guard tower,” said Frees. “And that’s not all this young man did. He also tampered with Kakariko Village windmill, broke into the Royal Family’s tomb, broke into the castle, detonated bombs on Royal grounds, stole the Spiritual Stones of Fire, Water and Forest, took the Master Sword from its pedestal, went inside the Zora’s patron deity Jabu-Jabu, and terrorized innocent cuccos!”

“Wait, why does this matter if it’s been seven years since these actions?” asked Baden.
            “That’s not all!” said Frees’ second-in-command, Bartholomew. “Recently, there have been reports of him stealing a horse, breaking out of a Gerudo prison, stealing a Longshot, a Mirror Shield, the Megaton Hammer, a Fairy Bow, Silver Gauntlets, and other various items from temples; shooting Gerudo warriors with arrows, and killing two Gerudo women and their son!”

The entire parliament exploded into rage, shouting out what they thought should be done with such a criminal.

“We should lock him up in a dungeon for the rest of his bloody life!”

“We should put him in the guillotine!”

“We should send a search party to lynch him!”

“We should have the bastard quartered!”

Frees had to bang the gavel many times before the members settled down again.           

“We know how to hunt him down! A reliable source tells me he currently resides in the Kokiri Forest.”

“But what are we going to with him when we find him?” asked Philip.

“A young lady by the name of Ruto says she’ll keep him captive until we decide on that…”

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