Link's Wife

By Ganonslayer

Author's Note: This is supposed to be a romantic comedy.

  It had been years after Link defeated Ganondorf. Link was glad to defeat Ganondorf yet he felt like something was missing in his life, something he never had but what was it what was he missing. Every time he thought of Zelda that thought got even worse but he still couldn’t figure it out. Than as he went to sleep he saw a man that said, “What’s wrong with you? You no hungry for thinking, you hungry for a wife!” Than he woke up and banged his head on the wall and said, “That’s what I need that’s what’s missing.” So he went back to sleep. The next day he thought, “Whom should I get to marry me?”

  Just as Link was thinking he heard a knock on his door and he fell over in his chair. He said, “Come in.” Saria came in and asked, “Link? Where are you Link?” Than she saw him laughed and said, “Oh Link you’re funny are you all right?” Link got up and said, “I’m better than all right. I feel good.” Saria said, “Okay.” Link said, “I’m going to look for my wife.”  Saria said, “Congratulations, it’s time for you to get a wife.” So Link did his hair the way it always looks, nice and messy than he put on his cap. Then he left.

  As Link left the forest he saw Princess Zelda, Princess Ruto, and Malon. They all wanted to marry Link. He couldn’t decide because they all were in their prettiest clothes. So they went on the show “Find your match.” (I know they didn’t have T.V. in Hyrule but that’s why it’s funny.)

  The host said, “Welcome to ‘Find Your Match’, where guys and girls pair up lets see our contestant you all know and love him, Link! And the ladies are Princess Zelda of Hyrule castle,  next we’ve got from the Zora’s Domain, Princess Ruto, finally from the Lon Lon ranch, Malon. Now Link ask the ladies your questions.” Link asked, “Will you get mad at me?” Zelda said, “I’ll get over it fast.” Ruto said, “No hot heads under water.” Malon said, “Never have, never will.” Link asked, “Where would you like to live ten years from now?” Zelda said,” The castle is fine.” Malon said, “I’m happy at the ranch.” Ruto said, “Anywhere as long as it’s near water so I can be…what is this?” As she noticed a black bar over her chest. The host said, “That is here to cover your indecency.” Ruto shrieked, “My b***s are beautiful! All ladies have b***s! Quit bleeping me out!” The host said, “We can’t show stuff like that and we can’t have strong language like that cause this is not a movie.” (Movies and T.V. didn’t exist yet.) Ruto said, “F*** you!” The host said, “That was highly inappropriate. All right onto the next question, Link, ask your next question.” Link asked, “What do you love best about me?” The host said, “Oh ho here’s one for the ages.” Zelda said, “I love you for you.” Malon said, “You’re strong and sexy.” Ruto said, “Do I need to tell you? I know you’ll choose me. I’m the prettiest and I’m *rest of sentence censored*”

To be continued…


Alright enough of that.

So Link said, “My wife is…” All three were in suspense. Than he said, “Zelda.” The audience clapped and cheered. Link said, “Now for the other two I know you’ll find the perfect man for you. Goodnight everybody.” He then left with Zelda. The next day they got married. Link was still making a fool of himself though.


The End


Sorry if that sucked I’m no good at writing comedies.

Back to Story Menu