The Interview

By Alexandra Louisa Elliott

Webmasters Note: Contains VERY STRONG language. You have been warned.

Okay! For a start, the Link and Zelda in this interview are from The Ocarina of Time game. Just to help you get a better image. This interview will be based on the different characters in the Ocarina Of Time. All the characters will be placed in different rooms to help them express their feelings better to our interviewer, Saria. Who will be entering different rooms with characters to speak with....
Saria: So Link, what do you think about Cuccos?
Link: What kind of question is that!
Saria: Listen Link....answer the question OR GET OUT!....okay!
Link: (folds arms and goes into a sulk) I MEAN...WHAT CAN I SAY!!! They're small-feathered bastards! I mean, COME ON!!! I only trod on one, while riding on Epona! And they came after me
Link: YES!!! (Goes further into a sulk and turns away)
Saria: Come on Link! Answer some more questions!!!
Link: (turns around and frowns that Saria) Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Link: WHAT!!! WHO TOLD YOU!!?? Ahem...
Saria: oooookkkay.... We'll come back to you later Link...that's if your still not a whiney bastard...
Saria: (runs out the room) Ahem...OKAY! Sorry about that Hylians and errr.... Creature thingys.....Right, so our next creature thingy, I MEAN GUEST! in tonight is Ruto! Hi Ruto!
Ruto: (gives Saria a mean look) Hi Saria.
Saria: So how are things going at the moment?
Ruto: Well Saria, as most of you know I was meant to be getting arranged to marry Link! I even talked to him three days ago about when we're going to get married! He said to me to wait in Lake Hylia but he never showed up!
Saria: Yes....well, we all know what a bastard Link is at times.( shouts at the room where Link is waiting) DON'T WE LINK!!! anyway, carry on.
Ruto: well as I was saying, BEFORE YOU RUDLEY INTERUPTED! Link was meant to be waiting for me!! He's 17 years old for Dins sake! How could he pass up such a sexy fish like me!!!
Saria: (whispers to herself) we all could....
Saria: What! How did you just hear that!
Ruto: I have super, sonic hearing!
Saria: Well whatever...
Ruto: (Gets up to slap Saria with her freaky fish tail)
Saria: Did I mention the kick you'll be receiving in the fin if you touch me?!?
Ruto: (Sits back down slightly annoyed)
Saria: NOW THEN! I have to go and interview other Hylian's a salmon for all your trouble (throws the salmon at Ruto) WHY YOU BI.... (Saria runs out of the room)
Saria: Phew!!! Well! So our next guess is the lovely Princess Zelda! So how are things going at the moment?
Zelda: Hi Saria, well things are going quite smooth at the moment.
Saria: I've heard rumors that you are supposed to be seeing Link.... *Wink, wink....nudge, nudge*
Zelda: Well, I don't want to comment on that really (Zelda blushes)
Saria: hehehe ...I can see you blushing...
Zelda: Well all I can say is that he acts pretty stupid sometimes....
Saria: He doesn't act stupid, it's the real thing (shouts at the wall) ISN'T IT LINK!!! Well Zelda name something stupid that Link has done...
Zelda: Well, me and Link went down to the Lost Woods to explore and...
Saria: To explore huh?? *Wink, wink....nudge, nudge*
Zelda: SHUT UP!!! (Zelda blushes with embarrassment)
Saria: Wait a minute!!! I remember now!! I saw you two down at the Sacred Meadow, Link was pretending to be Tarzan wasn't he?
Zelda: hmmm...yes (giggles) were you the one who shouted, “ Just because you smell like an ape doesn't mean your Tarzan!” ?
Saria: YES!! PWHAHAHA!!!! Okay Zelda I've got to go and interview someone now....back soon! (Leaves the room) Okay people the next person we are going to interview is Gannondorf! The prince of evil blah blah blah blah yada yada.....You know the rest. So how are you??
Gannondorf: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM FAIRY GIRL!!!!! First of all I had my tail chopped off by Link, then I was sealed away by the sages! Sigh, I'll tell though...IT WAS TRUE HELL!!!!THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED WAS I was made to play “The Faces Of Evil” and “Zelda's Adventure” ON THE PHILIPS- Cdi!!!!
Saria: GASP! YOU POOOOOR THING!!!! The Philips-Cdi IS EVEN MORE EVIL AND HORRIBLE THAN YOU!!!! (Saria gives Gannondorf a cup of hot chocolate with one of those cute little white marshmallows)  do go on Gannondorf.....
Gannondorf: (Starts to sob) you haven't heard the worst bit though.....I HAD TO PLAY “THE WAND OF GAMELON” (Gannondorf cry's)
Saria: (falls off chair) Okay Gannondorf, I'm going to have to interview someone now.... (Pats Gannondorf on the back) also, because you tried to destroy Hyrule and be a spoilt sport you have to go and endure more Philips-Cdi games, MWHAHAHA!!!!! (Leaves room) right so then, I might as well go and see link because he's been waiting the longest.... (Enters room)....clamed down now Link???
Link: Maybe.... Are you going to go on about Coccos again??
Saria: NO!!! And I want you to answer some questions this time!!!
Link: Whatever .....
Saria: Not the brightest crayon in the box now are, just out of interest, are you and Zelda dating???
Link: Sorry if I looked interested, I'm not....
Saria: (Saria's eye started to twitch and a vein appeared on her forehead) ANSWER NOW YOU LITTLE PRICK!!!! (Throws the microphone at Link)
Link: ALRIGHT!!! ALRIGHT!!! ME AND ZELDA ARE DATING!!!! What a dumb ass....
Saria: You look like shit! Is that the style now? And plus what the heck are you doing living with little Kokori children!!! You pervert!!!
Link: And your completely irrelevant point is.....?
Saria: I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time!
Link: THAT'S IT!!! I'M OUTA HERE!!!! (Link storms out of the interview room to find his way out, when all off a sudden he opens the wrong door to reveal Zelda) ZELDA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???
Zelda: LINK!?? What's going on? I though they were only interviewing me?
Link: I though that as well! Listen, Saria is REALLY bugging me out! Let's go!
Saria: (Runs up to Link and Zelda) WHERE DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE GOING??!!! Your meant to be having an interview!
(All of a sudden Gannondorf smashes through the walls to find Link and Zelda standing together along with the annoying little fairy girl.... then all of a sudden the whole building collapsed on Gannondorf and Saria killing them both., Link and Zelda then got happily married and lived happily ever after) THE END!

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