The old lady at the potion shop had grown bored with the recent events in Hyrule. Ganondorf was gone, the kingdom had returned to normal, and so Link hadn’t been to visit her in a while. Her business had been booming when he was always coming in and buying that "Granny’s Blue Potion." At 100 rupees a pop, she’d made enough to finally replace those old rotten teeth of hers.
Now it looked like that facelift she was looking so forward to would be a distant dream unrealized, unless she could come up with something really cool that she could charge a lot of money for. Maybe even 200 rupees!
Heck, that might even pay for a tummy tuck and a butt lift too.
She suddenly had an idea. What if a person could warp somewhere by simply drinking something, and not have to play a tune on an ocarina or use Farore’s Wind? Maybe…they could even warp between worlds?
She went to work busily mixing ingredients, trying this, trying that, adding a little bit here, taking away some there, in the hopes of creating her dream potion. She could be a millionaire and the envy of all of Hyrule!
Then one night, disaster struck.
Her cat was sleeping on the high ledge above the pot that held the simmering concoction, and when he woke up and stretched, he accidentally knocked a bottled fairy into the vat below.
Upon seeing this, the old lady shrieked in high-pitched fear and quickly ran to the boiling pot, trying to save it.
It was too late.
At the exact same time, faraway in the Desert Colossus at night, something really weird happened.
A huge purple light shone brightly in the middle of the desert, near the entrance to the Spirit Temple.
It was a warp vortex.
When it was gone, there stood a black horse, with a rider upon it, his sword drawn, in attack position. When the rider suddenly realized that he wasn’t where he was supposed to be, he looked around angrily, squinting his eyes, and taking the reins of his horse, took off quickly through the desert in search of a way out.
He rode throughout Desert Colossus all night, with no success.
When morning came, he saw the river of sand separating him from the Thieves Hideout.
Taking his horse back as far from the river as he could, he urged the horse to go as fast and furious as possible and it magically leapt across the vast river of sand and away the rider went.
He was determined to find out where he was and to get back to where he was supposed to be.
He was about to find out just how far away from home he was.
Inside Hyrule castle, Link stretched out in a sleepy daze. The morning sun was peeking through the windowshade, and the Cuccos nearby were welcoming the day with their noise.
Link looked over to his side. There slept his beautiful wife Zelda.
He leaned over and kissed her cheek. She was so sweet when she slept.
Heck, she was sweet anytime. He got out of bed and put on his robe.
Smiling down at her, he went downstairs to get his breakfast and to read his newspaper, the "Daily Hylian."
Sitting at the breakfast table and drinking his juice, lazingly taking in his morning, he suddenly had an idea.
He took a tray with food and juice, and placing a flower on it, headed upstairs to his lovely wife to feed her breakfast in bed.
When she saw him come in the door, she awoke and sat up.
"Oh thank you Link, it looks delicious!"
He placed the tray in front of her and went back to his side of the bed to finish his paper, with his arm around her as she ate.
It truly was a glorious morning.
Then all of a sudden, a commotion outside made Link glance up from his paper.
"What is that?" Zelda asked.
"I don’t know," Link said, laying the paper down on the bed and walking to the window to take a closer look.
The guards weren’t down there.
"Hmmm," Link said, scratching his chin.
"I’d better go see what’s going on."
He got dressed and went down to the front of the castle.
Seeing some of the guards, he approached them.
"What’s wrong?" he asked.
"Well…we’ve had a robbery in Hyrule Town…looks like a bunch of rupees were taken from the Treasure Box shop."
"Did you see who did it?" Link asked.
"No…he was too fast for us," the guard replied, "He took off toward the desert. He was on a magnificent black horse. The most magnificent one I’ve ever seen."
Link decided to go check out the Treasure Box shop.
When he got there, he learned that not only had that shop been hit, but the Bombchu bowling alley and the Happy Mask shop had been hit also.
People gathered in the middle of the square wondering what was going on.
"He just came in here and robbed us blind!" one of them said. "What shall we do?"
Then Link saw something on the wall by the door to the Bombchu bowling alley.
He stood and looked at it, puzzled.
Somebody had made a big "Z" with a sword across that wall.
Link was determined to find out who would do such a thing, to come into Hyrule Town and not only rob the stores, but leave a big "Z" on the wall.
This wasn’t Ganondorf’s doing, it wasn’t something Mido would do, or even the Gerudo Thieves. They wouldn’t be bold enough.
No, it was somebody that wasn’t from around here.
Somebody who obviously didn’t know Link.
He remembered what the guards had said about the thief running towards the desert, so he called Epona and when she came to him, quickly got on her back and rode as fast as the wind would take him toward the desert.
On the way to desert, as he rode past Lon Lon Ranch, he saw another "Z." on the outer wall.
Boy, this guy was bold!
It was time for some major butt-kicking action. Nobody defaces the walls of Hyrule’s buildings with graffiti.
When Link reached Gerudo Valley, he quickly led Epona across the bridge.
Upon seeing some of the carpenters he asked them if they’d seen the thief.
"He looked like a masked bandit," one of them said.
"Yeah, we couldn’t see his face….it was…strange…he ran through here so fast all we could see was his black horse."
"Did he steal anything?" Link asked.
"Nope, just ran through here like he was being chased by something that he didn’t want catching up with him."
Link looked toward the entrance to the thieves’ hideout, then said, "He is."
He took off toward the hideout. When he reached it, he heard laughing.
He slowed Epona down and dismounted quietly, then drew his sword.
He entered the hideout quietly, and once inside, moved toward the direction of the laughing.
He watched and waited from a dark corner, his eyes fixed on the man in the room.
He was dressed in black, and surrounding him were the Gerudo Thieves. He was also wearing the Gerudo mask! So that’s how he got in here! He stole the mask from the Happy Mask shop!!
He had in his hand many rupees, and showered the women with them.
"Ah…senoritas…there are much more where these came from…you just leave it to me…"
Link stepped forward and pointed his sword at the stranger.
"You! What is your business in Hyrule?" he shouted.
The stranger looked at him, and the Gerudo women backed away.
He stood up, and removed the Gerudo mask, then grinned at Link and bowed to him.
He was wearing a black mask over his eyes.
"Senor, you have the most lovely women in this land. Most lovely."
He laid a gloved finger against a Gerudo woman’s cheek, and she smiled back at him.
"Link, he isn’t trying to harm anyone," she said.
"Like heck he’s not! He just robbed the stores in Hyrule Town!"
The man in black stepped forward.
"Permit me to introduce myself. I am Zorro."
"Who is Zorro?" Link asked angrily.
"You mean…you’ve never heard of me? I come from California, the most beautiful land in the world."
"I’ve never heard of California," Link said.
Zorro’s face took on more of a concerned look now.
"You’ve never heard of California? Well then…where am I? " he asked.
Link walked to him, his eyes unwavering. He was angry at this man, he didn’t care where he came from, he was going to make sure the rupees were returned to their rightful owners.
"You’re in the land of Hyrule, my kingdom."
Zorro eyed Link from top to bottom, and laughed.
"Ah…hijole.." he said as he waved his hand, moving close to Link and spoke directly in his face.
"You are nothing. Do you expect me to be afraid of a man in a green tunic and tights? You underestimate me...I am the best swordsman in California and in all of Espana tambien. You’re a little mosca. I can take you….little gringo.."
This man sure had a strange accent to go with his strange language.
Link stepped back.
"I don’t care where you come from….we fight now…you and me…for those rupees you have there…I intend to return them to their rightful owners."
"Tu y yo?" he asked.
"You and me…fight? This shall be nothing more than a light snack for me"….
Link drew up his sword and lunged forward.
Zorro returned Link’s sword swings with his own.
The Gerudo women backed away from the two, watching them like it was a tennis match.
Psh! Psh! Psh! Psh! went the swords.
Up. Down. Right. Left. Up. Back. Over.
Zorro backed Link into a corner, and their swords collided, making a scraping sound.
"Ah hah!" Zorro shouted.
"Do you surrender now little green gringo?"
He ducked suddenly. Zorro’s blade whistled loudly by his head. He rolled. He stood up and faced him again.
When Zorro lunged forward, Link quickly took out his Longshot and hooked it on a beam above, pulling him up to a ledge.
Angry, Zorro wiped his chin.
"Neat trick," he said.
Link cocked his head to the side and smiled.
"Now am I such a green…what did you call me?" he asked, looking at him with frowned eyebrows.
"G-r-i-n-g-o"…..Zorro said slowly. "You’ll always be a gringo, my friend."
Link jumped down from the ledge and rolled forward.
He lunged at Zorro again with his sword.
This time he threw a Deku Nut at the masked bandit.
Zorro was stunned.
Link ran in with his sword.
"YEEEEOOWWWW!!!" Zorro yelled.
Link retaliated for a moment, then called up Din’s Fire.
He was enjoying this. Obviously this guy had never seen magic before and the multitude of weapons Link had at his disposal.
When he called up Din’s Fire, Zorro screamed in pain.
"Si! Si! I give up! I surrender!"
He held out his sword in defeat.
Link held his sword at Zorro’s throat, then took his away from him slowly.
"Give me the rupees," Link ordered, his hand on his hip, his sword still at Zorro’s throat.
Zorro untied his leather pouch from his belt and tossed it at Link’s feet.
"Thank you," Link said, bending down to pick up the leather pouch.
But Link wasn’t going to let this guy go that easily. He pushed the tip of his sword at Zorro’s throat a little more, and he started to choke.
"Por favor, por favor"...he begged
Satisfied that he had tortured his foe long enough, Link removed the sword.
Zorro leaned forward, grabbing his throat and gasping for breath.
"Now," Link said, "I should buy you a drink, my friend. What’s your poison?"
He held out his hand and Zorro took it and stood up.
"Can I have my sword back?" he asked.
"Nope. We go have a drink and talk, then we’ll talk about your sword."
He slapped Zorro on the back and the two left the hideout.
The two headed for Gerudo’s Gulch, the only bar on this side of Lon Lon Ranch.
Inside, they walked up to the bar and Link ordered a beer for himself and Zorro.
They drank awhile, then Link asked him, "So, how did you get here?"
Zorro told him the strange tale of how he’d been in a match with his foe Don Rafael, an evil rich man in California, and how he was chasing him on his horse, named Tornado, when all of a sudden, he felt this strange force pulling him away, and a purple haze surrounded him.
Then he was in the middle of a desert, here, in front of a large Sphinx-like creature.
"That would be our Spirit Temple," Link said.
Zorro looked at Link strangely from the side, then took another drink.
"You got some weird stuff here my friend, there’s nothing like this in California."
Link looked at him. "So, tell me about this California. What is it like?"
Zorro told him all about the gold rush in California, about how there was a lot of greed there, and he was trying to fight it. He told Link his heroic tales about how he had tried to restore peace and justice to California, and that nobody there really knew who he was.
"That’s why I wear this black mask," he said. "I can’t let anybody know who I really am. I’m a rather important person, and I have to keep my identity a secret."
Link found that strange.
"Hmmm," was all he said.
The more they talked, the more they realized they were really on the same side, just in different worlds. Zorro was only doing here in Hyrule what he’d done in California. He apologized to Link for causing trouble. Link forgave him then told him of his troubles.
"Yeah, I had to beat up this really horrible guy named Ganondorf who stole the Triforce of Power and he even tried to get my girl. I had to defeat him with only Light Arrows and my Megaton Hammer, until he fell down, then the wall of fire went away and it released the Master Sword and I killed him with that, then he was banished into the Evil Realm by all of the sages."
Zorro couldn’t quite absorb what he’d just heard. He held his beer tightly, then leaned over and whispered, "Man, it sounds like you’ve been drinking too much tequila.."
The two sat there for a while, neither one of them saying a word, just drinking their beers.
Then Zorro asked, "So…tell me about your girl, hombre."
Link sat his beer down. He motioned to the Gerudo bartender to bring them two more. He laid five rupees out on the table.
"Well," he began, "I’ll let you see a picture of her."
Link took out his Adult’s Wallet and handed Zorro a picture of Zelda.
"Isn’t she beautiful?" he asked, beaming.
Zorro looked at Zelda’s picture. Her deep eyes and long blond hair made her look enchanting. She was wearing her royal dress and in the background was Hyrule Castle. So beautiful.
"Wow…she’s pretty caliente, man. Is this your house?"
"We were married recently. I’ve got it all here. A beautiful wife, a great castle to live in, the admiration of my people, I mean, what more could a guy ask for?"
Zorro handed Zelda’s picture back to Link.
"So…Zorro..you got a girl in California?" he asked.
Zorro snickered. He took out his wallet.
He unfolded it, and a long, long stream of pictures fell to the floor.
"Oh, my gosh," Link said. "So many?"
"Well"…Zorro said as he scooped them up, "Here’s Maria, Isabel, Ana, Rafaela, Georgina, Matilda, Hilda"…
Link was impressed.
"How do you do it?" he asked.
"Well"…Zorro grinned…."A Latin man never reveals his secrets."
"Well...okay then….I won’t ask. But I’m very happy with my beautiful Zelda. I don’t believe I could love another like I love her. I’m a one woman guy."
Zorro took another drink.
"You are a fortunate man, Senor Link. You have it all here."
He looked all around the room.
After a while, Link said, "Well we gotta figure out how to get you back to Don Rafael so you can kick his butt and restore justice to your California."
Zorro had forgotten all about Don Rafael.
"Oh si si, that I do. What do we do?" Zorro asked.
"I think I know where to go," Link said.
Link gave Zorro back his sword and the two headed to Kakariko Village to the potion shop. Link told the old lady what happened and she admitted to screwing up her warp potion she was trying to create. She gave Link a bottle of it and told them to head back to the desert and if Zorro drank it, he should be able to return to California.
So the two headed back to Desert Colossus and crossed the river of sand on Tornado.
Link was impressed by Zorro’s horse.
"Yes, he’s magnificent, isn’t he? He’s a beautiful Andalusian I brought to California with me from Espana."
"Where’s…Espana?" Link asked, puzzled.
Zorro started to tell him
"Never mind," he said.
Link gave Zorro a gift.
"They’re called Deku Nuts," he said, "and maybe they will help you against your Don Rafael."
Zorro looked at them then put them in his pocket.
The two shook hands and then Link backed away from him.
As Zorro started to drink the potion he said, "You’re still a little green gringo," and smiled at Link.
Link chuckled and waved at him.
"Adios…amigo," Zorro said.
Then he drank the potion, and Tornado raised up in the air, and Zorro raised his sword in salute.
Then in a swirl of purple haze, he was gone.
Link started to pull out his Ocarina to warp back to Kakariko Village when he noticed something lying on the ground.
He walked toward it and picked it up. It was shiny.
It was a piece of Spanish gold!
Link smiled and could have sworn he heard a voice.
"For your beautiful Senora Zelda."
Link turned around. There was nothing there.
Once back in Hyrule Town he was greeted by the shopkeepers. He gave them back all of their rupees and then he returned to the castle to tell Zelda about this new adventure he’d been on and how he’d met face to face with the great Zorro, the masked bandit from California.
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