Disclaimer: This is totally just made up, all these characters were ideas from the Nintendo company INC, we aren't trying to steal or copy anything from the Zelda game series from Nintendo. So don't sue us please! : )
Announcer: It's the Newlywed Show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today with us are:
Zelda and Link-married 3 months ago
Ingo and Cucco Lady (<----Lady allergic to Cuccos in Kakariko)-married 6 months ago
Ganondorf and KiTri (<----Third in command of the Gerudos, in Ocarina of Time, the one you meet after rescuing all the carpenters)- married 8 months ago
and Rauru and Impa (<----The Sages of Light and Shadow)- married 11 months ago
And here's the star of the show, your host, Bob Eubanks!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Thank you thank you, folks we have a great show planned for you today. It's nice to meet all of you, now ladies please go into our soundproof room so you can't here what your husbands have to say.
Bob: Now gentlemen, I'm going to ask you 2 questions worth 5 points each, and blah blah blah yadda yadda, you know the drill.
Bob: Here's the first question: What is your wife's worst habit? Mr. Ganondorf?
Ganondorf: Oh, that would have to be wearing whatever color clothes that I wear. No, wait, actually she always reminds me how oh mister big hero over there screwed me up and sent me to the Evil Realm to do my time. AND IF ANYBODY SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I'LL EXECUTE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: (looking a little nervous) OK..., how about you Link?
Link: Oh gosh, that would definitely be flirting with all the castle guards.
Link: No really, she like flirts with all the guards, in front of me even, and when I tell her to stop she goes like, "What? I wasn't really flirting." Oh, she is such a flirt!
Bob: (looking a little disturbed) Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Ok, Rauru.
Rauru: That would be disappearing all the time with those special Deku Nut things. She just goes away for no real reason, it's so unpredictable, and its annoying because when I ask her why she wasted those tasty nuts, she just disappears again. You know when you roast those nuts, and put a little sugar and spice on top-
Bob: Ok, Mr. Ingo. What's your wife's most annoying habit?
Ingo: She doesn't do anything really annoying, but I don't like it when she brings all the cuccos in the house, because they poop everywhere and they smell bad.
Bob: Oh, you don't like pets? But you help run Lon Lon Ranch, don't you? Oh well, next question: Who does your wife always try to impersonate? Link?
Link: Probably, oh I would have to say Malon.
Bob: Is she that horse girl who had a big crush on you?
Link: Right Bob, I mean Zelda impersonates her looking like a retard or something. Like, just make to fun of her you know...stuff like that, she's very jealous, since I am, like, the hottest guy in all of Hyrule.
Bob: (mumbles oh, big ego) Ok, Ingo.
Ingo: Marilyn Monroe, whenever its windy, she puts on her big white wedding dress, and acts like her, it looks really stupid. Uh, don't tell her I said that.
Bob: Ok I won't even ask about that one. How about you Rauru?
Rauru: Oh I don't know, uh, um, maybe like the Sage of Shadow?
Bob: Isn't she the Sage of Shadow?
Rauru: Well yes, but she sure acts like herself a lot, and that can be a good thing.
Bob: (looks hard at Rauru) Alright, Ganondorf?
Ganondorf: Like Zorro sometimes. She's a thief, so she likes to pretend to steal stuff like Robin Hood or something.
Bob: Ok, so does she act like Zorro or Robyn Hood?
Bob: I''m sorry you can only choose one.
Ganondorf: No!!!!!!!!!! Either both or I'll blast your head off.
Bob: Ok, ok!!!!! You can have both.
Bob: (gulps) Ok people, we'll see how good the wives can guess what their husband can say, right after this break.
Bob: Alright, the wives are back, and now they'll find the answers. Alright ladies, the first question is: What does your husband think is your most annoying habit? Cucco Lady.
Cucco Lady: Hmmmmm. I don't know maybe singing in the bathroom. Ingo gets mad about that a lot.
Bob: Really? What kind of songs do you sing?
Cucco Lady: Oh nothing special, songs like "Cucco Day" or "Happy Birthday". I have a birthday party for each one of my cuccos.
Bob: (?) Ohhhhhhhhhh kkkkkkkkkkkkkk, well I'm sorry that's wrong, he said that, card please, your worst habit is bringing the cuccos in the house with you.
Ingo: Oh you are right though, your singing is the worst.
Cucco Lady: Shut up.
Bob: Alright, Impa?
Impa: I need to save the princess!!!!!
Bob: Excuse me?
Zelda: Oh, no. Not again! (shakes head) Don't mind that...
Impa: Save the Princess!!!!!
Bob: Is that your answer?
Impa: Save the Princess- oh oops, ummm, wasting his precious nuts.
Bob: I'm sorry, but I think that's wrong. Rauru said that when you disappear all the time, that's most annoying. I don't really understand it either, folks. Zelda?
Zelda: Oh, I like, know that one, he says that I like always sweet talk, or flirt, with all of the guards.
Bob: Right!!!!! KiTri?
KiTri: Ummm, perhaps when I tell him about how I let Link in on our group of thieves. But I had no idea he was the Hero of Time. So I always tell Ganondorf about how Link ended up beating his butt and sending him into the Evil Realm. Hahhahhahahahaa!!!!! That's always sooooo funny!!
Bob: (noticing that Ganondorf has steam coming out of his monkey-like ears) Correct, but let's not go into detail about that.
Bob: Next Question: Who does your husband think you always impersonate ladies? Zelda?
Zelda: Oh Mal- I mean, probably Britney Spears. Yeah, Britney Spears, cuz I just love her music and yeah stuff like that.
Bob: No, that's not right. I think you were right the first time. He said Malon of Lon Lon Ranch.
Link: You always do, and you know that.
Zelda: Yeah, but how could you say that on National Television!!!!!!!!!! She could be watching. (smacks Link in the head with a pillow)
Link: Well sooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy, but it's true!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Impa, what do you think?
Impa: Acting like a Sheikah.
Bob: But aren't you a Sheikah?
Bob: .......ok, well Rauru said that you do act like yourself a lot but as the Sage of Shadows, judges? |Ding Ding| Well I guess that's correct!!!!!!!!!! Cucco Lady?
Cucco Lady: Ummm, acting like a Cucco every now and then?
Bob: Wrong. Do you know what he said?
Cucco Lady: Oh, then that must be acting like Marilyn Monroe, definitely. But I do a good job at it, since I look just like her.
Bob: Yes, but I'm sorry we can't give you any points on that one, and do you know what he said about you dancing around like Marilyn Monroe?
Ingo: Oh no!!
Bob: He said that you looked really stupid when you did it.
Cucco Lady: What?????!!!!!!!!! Have you always been lying to me then!!!!!! Why I aught to....
Bob: Ok, Let's take a commercial break.
Bob: Welcome back to the show, now the husbands are in the soundproof room, except for Mr. Ingo who is temporarily in the hospital for a little check up. Here's the question:
Bob: What is the weirdest thing your husband has done in the last 2 weeks? Impa?
Impa: Well, he did try mow the lawn outside the Temple of Time, but that's probably as weird as it gets. He did ruin my poor Gossip Stones and broke the mower, and that was a little weird.
Bob: Well aren't you two an ordinary bunch. Zelda?
Zelda: Uh, well in the middle of the day for no apparent reason he BBQed. He's pretty good at it, but unless you don't like your hambugers burnt to a slight crisp, you might as well leave. Yummy?
Bob: Wow, just don't ever invite me to your hamburger fests. KiTri?
KiTri: That would be the time he went to a disco club. He put on his Elvis Jacket and acted like an idiot.
Bob: Cucco Lady?
Cucco Lady: Ingo set the cows free for about 2 days for no real good reason, he just said that they needed to be trained to live in the wild, even though they are domesticated!!! That was the strangest thing, Talon and I had to go get them after awhile.
Bob: Next Question: What do you think your husband would want two make him the happiest man in the world? Zelda?
Zelda: Oh I don't know, he has almost everything. Oh I know!!!!! To win a extensive Boombox system with 50 cd Drives, full flex sound system with heavy duty speakers, extra extra fine tuners, plus a full life time guarantee warranty, and, and all the CD's he could possibly want to go along with it. Oh, and make that boom box with a fast recording system too.
Bob: Right. Impa?
Impa: Well you see, he has this part time job as Santa Claus during the holidays and its a real pain in the butt for him, so he'd probably want somebody to take over for him. Hahahaha!!
Bob: Right. How about you Cucco Lady?
Cucco Lady: Definitely by giving him his very own ranch. He'd love that, since he learned that he couldn't take over Lon Lon ranch and after losing most of the horses by betting them on races.
Bob: oh darn. What would make your husband the happiest man in the world, KiTri?
KiTri: Um, no offense to Link, but Ganondorf would probably want Link to be trapped in some little box for the rest of eternity. Yeah, that would be what he would want.
Bob: Right. Next Question, this one is for 15 points, because it is the bonus question:
Bob: What is your husband's favorite game? Cucco Lady.
Cucco Lady: Probably the Obstacle Course in Lon Lon Ranch.
Bob: Ok, Zelda?
Zelda: Oh, that cute little Super Cucco Game also in Lon Lon Ranch, that was his first game.
Bob: Fine. Impa.
Impa: The Annual Pie Eating Contest of Hyrule!!!!! He wins that almost every year, except for that year that Talon won.
Bob: Oh well, that just figures doesn't it? How about you KiTri?
KiTri: Oh, um, the Gerudo Training Ground Challenge, if that is considered a game.
Bob: Alright, that's ok, now we'll bring the husbands back, right after this.
Bob: Alright, the husband's are back for the final round. Here's the question: What is the weirdest thing you have done lately? Link?
Link: Oh, um well, she made a big deal about a time when I just decided to BBQ some hot dogs. They didn't quite come out right.
Bob: Right!!!!! Good job, good thinking. Rauru?
Rauru: I ran over her stupid giggling Gossip Stones and ruined the mower when I tried to mow the lawn outside the Temple of Time.
Bob: Right, that was a perfect answer! You sages stop using those psychic connection stuff. We'll have to turn on our detectors now, please don't tell me that's how you figured out those answers Mr. Link and Mr. Rauru! It's done, now they are on. Ingo?
Ingo: I threw the old TV set out the window, 'm not sure why, I think I was drunk or something. That was a little weird.
Bob: I'm sorry, but she said it was the time you freed all the cows and she had to go get help to bring them back. But what you said was a little weird too I must say. What do you think, Ganondorf?
Ganondorf: Hmm, I don't do anything strange! Maybe when I tried taking over Hyrule again, but KiTri stopped me before I went outside to start burning down towns.
Bob: I'm sorry, don't hurt me but that is wrong. Card please, she said the weirdest thing was when you went disco dancing!
Ganondorf: Erm, I tried to uh, start taking over the disco clubs first! That's all!
Bob: Well I'm sorry we can't give you points on that one. Next question: Gentlemen, what would make you the happiest guy in the whole world? Link?
Link: Uh, I don't know, maybe a nose ring to go with my ear pierces that I got when I woke up in the Temple of Time, long story.
Zelda: What! All you could possibly want is a nose ring?!
Bob: Yes, well that is wrong Link, Zelda said you'd want a, well, a complex stereo system.
Link: oh well, yeah that'd be nice too...
Bob: Ok, Ingo?
Ingo: I'd want to have that darn horse Epona back.
Ganondorf: Oh yeah...Hey! You owe me that horse still!
Link: No way, over my dead body!
Ganondorf: We can arrange that... (hand going to his side)
Bob: Calm down, calm down gentlemen! Well, Cucco Lady said that you would want your very own ranch. We're getting short on time, Rauru?
Rauru: Hmm, maybe for that ancient sage Kaepora Gaebora to become a human again for a little while, for old time's sake. That old owl and me used to be friends!
Bob: Oh how touching, but Impa said it was for someone to take over your traditional Santa Claus job. Ganondorf, what would make you the happiest man in the world?
Ganondorf: Isn't it obvious! Hahahaha! For Link to be stuffed away into jail never to see the light of day again! Yes! Whahahahaha!
Bob: Well, you are right Mr. Ganondorf, congratulations I suppose.
Bob: Ok here's the 15 point bonus question: What is your favorite game? A very simple question, huh Link?
Link: Yeah, it would be the Gerudo Horseback Archery Game, since I own like a bunch of record times.
Bob: I'm sorry, she said it was the Super Cucco game at Lon Lon Ranch.
Link: What!!!!! I only played that game once! That's for little kids who want milk! Grrrrr.....
Bob: Wow, well Rauru?
Rauru: Fishing!!!!! The best game in the world, where you can sit, and eat, and sit, and eat. That's my kind of game.
Bob: Close, but not quite. Impa said it was the Annual Pie Eating Contest of Hyrule.
Rauru: Well, you can sit and eat in that game too I guess.
Bob: Anyway, Ingo.
Ingo: My favorite game is Malon's Obstacle Course. It is lots of fun. I love it. Goo goo. Ga ga.
Bob: Oh boy, that is correctly correct though. Uh, lets move on. Ganondorf?
Ganondorf: Shooting Gallery Game at Kakariko Village.
Ganondorf: Yes, she had better have gotten this one right.
Bob: Well she didn't, you got a surprise, she said it was the Gerudo Training Ground Challenge. Bob: Yeah this show done!!!!!! And the lucky couple is...no wait you're all tied! Well this is amazing, you'll get special side gifts. Now before the game the husbands guessed how many points they'd get, now the closest without going over estimate wins!
Ingo guessed 20.
Rauru guessed 25.
Link guessed 10.
Ganondorf guessed 9.5! Oh how close! Why in Hyrule would you guess ½ a point?
Ganondorf: (taking out his sword from under his cloak) Well it's not like I'm used to this stupid game! Hahaha! Link! Time to meet your doom! (Starts running towards Link with sword pointed out)
Link: Oh come on, (Link says casually as he draws his Master Sword, and knocks away Ganondorf's sword) Haven't been practicing in the Evil Realm, have you? Too bad. (Then Hookshots Ganondorf to him, puts 5 bombs in his cloak, drops his Megaton Hammer on Ganondorf's foot, pulls out his bow and charges up a Light Arrow. Link lets go of the bowstring and shoots Ganondorf off to the other side of the room. The 5 bombs are about to go off, and before Ganondorf can throw them out Link throws a Deku Nut to paralyze him...
Rauru: Oh no! Don't waste any more tasty nuts!
...and then Ganondorf explodes out the far wall)
KiTri: Um, excuse me! (runs out the now open wall)
Bob: (shakes off his confusion) Well, Link and Zelda, you are the winning couple today! You now have a vacation to the sunny beaches of Calatina (<----where Link was born) for two weeks!
Link: Um, ok, I guess that's cool. (Hugs Zelda)
Ganondorf: (stumbling up to yell through a window) Now wait! I deserve that vacation! I-(gets hit in the head with an iron boot)
Link: Dude, go away! (sends a Bombchu towards the unconscious Ganondorf outside the window)
Bob: Well thanks for watching (hears an explosion) and see you next time on the Newly Wed Game!
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