Webmistress' Note: DO NOT email me regarding Alexandra Spears. I REFUSE to forward ANY correspondence to her, she is NOT interested in Zelda anymore, she will NOT respond so any letters so please do not waste your time. I am sorry if this sounds harsh but just because I host her stories does not mean I talk to her anymore. Any emails sent to me regarding her will promptly be deleted.
Author's Note: This has yaoi implications, yeah strange coming from me–but read the ENTIRE story before you comment! This is anything but gratuitous! Oh and once again, cartoon Link and Zelda–am I the only one who uses them in my stories!?
THIS CONTENT MAY BE SENSITIVE TO SOME. THIS IS MORE LIKE A WHAT-IF STORY. ANY FLAMES I SEE WILL TELL ME THAT SOMEONE DID NOT GET THE POINT. IGNORE THE PHYSICAL AND GO FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND YOU WILL LIKELY GET THE POINT OF THIS STORY. I AM SURE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS AND THIS IS TO LET THEM KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE CONCERNED.
Chapter 1: The Way He Is
"May I please have a kiss, Princess?" asked Link as he and Princess Zelda walked home from yet another battle with Ganon. "I know you love me."
Zelda turned and faced him, tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Link, how many times do I have to tell you–you're just a friend! Come on, let's just go home."
Link tried to hide his hurt feelings as he walked alongside Zelda. He knew she loved him. That one time, when he'd been zapped by Ganon and his spirit had gotten separated from his body–Zelda had been able to see him because she was in love with him.
A sudden, scary thought entered his mind. Did she know? Did she know the secret he was hiding? The very thought was enough to make him shudder. He couldn't blame her if that's what it was. But surely he wasn't like that–was he? "Well, excuuuse me, Princess," he muttered, partly to show her how annoyed he was, partly to drive the dark thought from his mind.
As soon as he and Zelda got back to North Castle, Link took a hot bath and got into some fresh clothes–yet another green tunic with orange leggings. He combed out his brown hair, set a green cap on his head.
He wondered just how much rejection he could take from Zelda. He was beginning to wonder if there really was something wrong with him. He was sure that he was a normal guy. He liked looking at pretty girls, especially at Zelda, whom he was madly in love with. He was starting to wonder if there was really something wrong with him, since he'd never had sex with a girl or even kissed one yet.
By the time he was done dressing, it was time for dinner. Link headed downstairs and down the corridors to the dining room. Zelda and her father, King Harkinian, were there already. Harkinian sat at the head of the table, Zelda at his left. Link sat across from Zelda, who gave him a little smile of greeting.
Link took very little to eat that night and just picked at his food. "Link, are you okay?" asked Zelda. It was a running joke that Link ate enough to feed Harkinian's army. Link usually replied that he was a growing boy.
"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just not really hungry tonight," Link replied. In reality, he was having troubled thoughts. It had been two years ago, but now he was remembering it like it was yesterday–the searing pain, the humiliation he'd felt, the satisfaction when he'd killed the person who'd made him suffer so much, physically and emotionally. He hadn't thought about it much this past year, since he'd come to live in the castle, but today's rejection by Zelda–her latest one–seemed to be triggering it, bringing back the painful memories. Zelda thought that he'd fled Calatia because his parents had been killed by Ganon's henchmen when Link was fourteen, but she didn't know the primary reason, and he sure wasn't going to tell her–then she'd really be disgusted with him.
Zelda gave him a questioning look, shrugged, and went back to her own dinner.
Link barely managed to finish what he'd taken. Then he excused himself and went to his tower room, the same room where the Triforce of Wisdom was kept. He felt so sick. He went into his tiny bathroom and there he vomited up everything he'd had to eat that day. He was trembling as he changed into his pale blue nightshirt and got into bed. Link curled up into a tight ball and clutched the blankets tightly around his body. The memories were returning even as he drifted off into a light and troubled sleep.
Later that evening Zelda went to her room and changed into her nightgown and pink robe. She settled back on her chaise to read one of her favorite books. Link was already in bed, sleeping, which she thought was unusual. She hoped he wasn't sick or anything.
She sighed as she recalled the day's events. Link seemed to be particularly upset over this particular rejection. Funny, he should be used to it by now, she mused. Yes, she did love him, but she didn't want his ego to get any bigger than it was. He needed to be knocked down a few pegs before she'd admit it.
Suddenly she heard Link screaming loudly. "Link!" she squealed as she dropped the book and hurried along the walkway that connected their towers. Ganon's minions could be after him or the Triforce.
She burst in, saw Link tossing and turning wildly in his bed. "No! Stop it–leave me alone! I don't want it! It hurts! Leave me alone!!!" he was screaming.
Zelda shook him awake. He sat up, trembling violently, panting, his forehead damp with sweat. He clung to Zelda as if he would drown if he didn't. "Please help me," he begged.
She sat down on the edge of his bed, facing him. "Are you all right, Link?" she asked.
Link shook his head and hugged himself. "Just a bad dream," he muttered.
"Link–is there something wrong?" she pressed.
"N-no...it was just a nightmare," he insisted, his voice shaking.
"What happened in your dream?" Zelda asked, gently placing her hands on his shoulders.
"I–I don't want to talk about it," he replied, looking down.
"Link, you're scaring me. Something happened to you and I'd like to know what," said Zelda firmly. "Why else would you be screaming for someone to leave you alone?"
"I can't tell you...you'd only hate me," he whispered.
"What did you do?"
"It's not what I did...it's what was done to me," he choked out.
"Link, what is it? You can tell me. I won't hate you," Zelda promised.
Link looked up at her, and in the glow of the Triforce on its pedestal nearby, she could see the pain in his brown eyes. "I was raped. By a wizard working for Ganon. When I was fourteen."
Zelda gave a small, strangled cry and pulled him to her, hugging him. "Oh, Link, I'm so sorry," she whispered as she stroked his hair.
"It was so horrible," Link whimpered, tears streaming from his eyes.
"Will you tell me about it?" Zelda asked as she sat him back up. "I only know that you ran away from Calatia when your parents were killed."
"I was captured by this guy, a wizard working for Ganon," Link began, his voice a halting monotone as he struggled to control his emotions. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks. "He kept me a prisoner for a week. He starved me and beat me, and on the last day of my imprisonment–that's when he did it. He called me a cute little boy and asked me did I like it as he was doing it. Of course I didn't. It hurt, Zelda." He took a deep breath, then continued. "While he was doing that to me, he unknowingly dropped the key to my cell. When he was through with me he slammed the door shut–the door locked automatically. I was in pain but I was determined to get out. I unlocked the door, got my sword, and found him in his chambers. I ran my sword through his heart as he slept and killed him. Then I spent the next year adventuring–I was so scared that people would find out and think I was dirty."
Zelda's hand went up to her mouth. Tears were coming to her eyes as well. She could only imagine the pain and humiliation he must have gone through. "Oh, Link," she murmured as she hugged him. "Of course I don't hate you. Is that what's been bothering you?"
Link nodded. "And I've never had sex with a girl. I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Maybe I am–like that."
Zelda shook her head. "You're not. I know you like looking at pretty girls."
"I guess I've always wanted you to kiss me and everything so I could prove to myself that I am normal," said Link. "That and the fact that I love you." He hid his face in his hands. "Oh, I'm so confused...."
"Link, listen to me. You're not dirty, and to me you're still innocent," said Zelda. "You never asked for it. It was a nasty and cruel thing for that wizard to do. He had absolutely no right doing that to you. Link, what's the real reason you've never had sex with a girl?"
"Well, I was always taught that it belonged in marriage," said Link. "Not only that, I was too scared to have a relationship with a girl until I met you. I was always afraid I wouldn't feel anything for any girl."
"It was that wizard playing with your mind," Zelda told him. "Link, you have always seemed to be a normal young man to me. And I love you."
Zelda nodded. She gently took his face in her hands and gave him a soft kiss on his lips–his first kiss.
"I thought you'd see me as dirty and low," Link confessed.
"How could I think that about a handsome young man who's risked his life for me time and again?" asked Zelda. "And how do you feel about me, exactly?"
"Well, I am in love with you and I'd do anything for you–and you're beautiful," said Link.
"You're normal," Zelda said. "Here, try to go back to sleep, Link. You're safe from that wizard since you killed him. He can't come after you anymore. And I'll always be here for you, sweetie."
Link managed to smile as he lay back down on his pillows. Zelda tucked him in and kissed his cheek, and she held his hand until he was asleep.
She understood him so much better now. She did love him, and because she loved him, she would help him heal.
Chapter 2: The Power Of Love
Author's Note: Just wanted to let several of you know, I don't view rape as cute or funny, it's a serious crime. My purpose for writing about this kind of thing is to let people know that there are people that care. I personally have never been through this kind of thing in any way, shape, or form, but I have friends and relatives who have. Feel free to e-mail me or IM me if you want to talk. :)
Link was awakened by sunlight streaming in through his open window. He reluctantly opened his eyes. As he lay there, not really wanting to get up, memories of the day and night before came rushing back, as well as memories of two years ago.
Had he really told Zelda about that? What must she think of him–really think of him? The memories had been enough to literally make him sick to his stomach yesterday, and he sure didn't feel like eating anything right now, despite his growling stomach.
He'd managed to not think about that horrible experience he'd endured while he was adventuring. Then he'd fallen in love with Zelda and little by little the memories had been coming back and yesterday they'd returned with a vengeance. Zelda kept telling him that she only liked him as a friend when they both knew fully well that she was in love with him. She just wouldn't admit it.
Link felt angry at Zelda now. Thanks to her, he was very unsure of himself now, he was thinking. She was the first girl he'd really fallen for and now it looked like his love would be unrequited. He kept asking himself if he was normal.
"You love it, you know you do!"
Link gasped. That was what that wizard had said to him as he'd had Link face-down on the dungeon floor, violating him. He heard those words as clearly as he'd heard them two years ago, when he'd been a boy of fourteen. He could almost feel the physical pain that had gone with those words. He looked around, peeking out from underneath his blankets, saw no one there.
"I'm going crazy," Link whispered. He'd killed that wizard two years ago, but Link was coming to realize that his nightmare did not end with the wizard's death. The feelings of humiliation and pain were still there.
Princess Zelda woke up somewhat later than usual. She knew why that was. She remembered comforting Link when he'd been awakened by a terrible nightmare. The worst part was, his nightmare had been real.
Zelda sat at her vanity table after she'd dressed, brushing her long golden hair. Poor Link, she thought as she sat her tiara on her head. She remembered him telling her about the sheer hell he'd gone through at the hands of one of Ganon's followers. She'd never been through anything like that and she wasn't sure she knew exactly how Link felt.
She stared at the mirror and tried to put herself in Link's place, tried to imagine how he was feeling. Certainly he felt like he was less than nothing. He might feel he was unworthy of love, which would further compound his fears that he was somehow abnormal–a vicious cycle. No wonder it was important to him that he have her love. She knew, deep down, that he loved her. He'd risked his life for her time and again, willingly. Not to mention he was willing to put up with her temper, which was a bit on the short side. He was forever trying to be romantic, like that time he'd found a romantic clearing in the woods. Of course their moment had been interrupted by Ganon, but even so....
She just had this feeling that her denial of her love for him had a lot to do with this latest situation. If nothing else it had triggered it. She wondered if Link had nightmares a lot about that terrible incident.
Zelda got up and left her tower. She decided to see if Link was up.
Link lay there listlessly in his bed, staring at nothing in particular. A knock on his door startled him a little. "Come in," he called.
Zelda entered the room. "Link, are you going to get up?" she asked.
"I don't feel very well," Link replied. "I–I just want to be alone right now."
"I'm not going to make you get up," said Zelda as she approached his bed and sat down on the edge of it.
"You're a lot nicer to me than usual," Link mumbled as he turned over onto his left side, facing away from her. "Maybe I should give you all the details so you'd really be nice to me."
"Link–" Zelda sighed. "Are you mad at me?"
"Well, I came to apologize. I was thinking about you when I got up," said Zelda. "I shouldn't have been mean to you to begin with, no matter what happened to you. I just didn't want to feed your ego, that's all. But now I understand why you're like that."
"Sure, feel sorry for the poor abused boy," said Link sarcastically. "Just so the poor boy can forget it and go on and you won't have to be bothered."
"You have every right to be angry with me," said Zelda humbly. "I just kept getting the impression that you were after me because I'm a princess."
Link turned over onto his back. "It's not the Princess of Hyrule I love, it's Zelda," said Link. "So you happen to be a princess. Now you're assigning me motives."
"Link, all I wanted to do was apologize for being so mean to you since you've been here," Zelda told him. "I mean, this whole situation got me thinking. Yes, I do love you, Link. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. You were this handsome young man and everything, and you weren't like those boring, stuffy princes that were always trying to court me. And last night...I realized that I hurt you...and opened an old wound of yours, and I'm really sorry for that, Link. I want to help you–if you'll let me."
"I kept trying to forget it...I never faced it," Link said quietly, his anger at Zelda gone. "Do you want to know the details?"
Zelda seemed to hesitate. "Yes," she finally said. "If it will help you...you need to get it off your chest."
Link sat up. "I feel uncomfortable about telling it...well, you know that my village was burned down. I was captured by this wizard who was one of Ganon's followers–he's the one who burned it down. For a week I was in his dungeon, and he kept beating me and he gave me almost nothing to eat. I mean, I was lying down whenever I could to conserve my energy and everything...."
"Go on," said Zelda, her heartbeat quickening a little, anticipating what she was about to hear.
"At the end of a week my clothes were all torn and everything, and I was just lying there, feeling miserable and everything...and I saw him looking at me really weird. He said, 'What a cute little boy!' or something like that." Link took a deep breath, then continued. "I was still weak and everything and he came into my cell. I felt too weak to move–even if I could get up and try to run he'd still catch me. He–he tore off what was left of my pants and just–did it...and while he was doing it he was taunting me, Zelda. He was saying things like, 'You love it, you know you do.'" Tears came to his eyes and he brushed his forearm across his eyes. "It hurt so much...I just wanted it to stop and all I could do was wait for him to stop."
It was like a replay of last night. Tears came to Zelda's eyes as she put her arms around Link.
"When he was done...he just got up and left the cell...and I found that the key to my cell had fallen out of his pocket...and you know the rest," said Link. "I don't know where I found the strength...I just wanted out of there so badly...I didn't want him doing that to me again. I just think I should have tried to fight him off. What if I did ask for it or want it? I'm so afraid of that, Zelda."
"Link–as you pointed out, he beat and starved you. You were no match for him in your condition," said Zelda.
"I managed to get the strength to take my sword and kill him," Link said, his expression dark.
"You didn't ask for it," said Zelda. "And you didn't deserve such a thing. I'm just glad you were able to trust me enough to tell me about this. I'll help you, I promise."
"I just want to be alone right now," said Link.
"All right," said Zelda as he lay back down. She kissed his forehead.
Link watched as Zelda left the room. He didn't think anyone could help him, not even Zelda. He felt like he was beyond help.
He threw the blankets off, sat up, and yawned and stretched. He knew of only one way to end his pain. It was something he probably should have done a couple of years ago.
Getting out of bed, he went over to a chest he kept in his room and opened it. He found a quill pen and some paper in it; this was where he kept a lot of his stuff. He took out the pen and a sheet of paper and carried them over to the table and two chairs that were in his room.
Link sat down, pen in hand, and tried to think about what he wanted to say in the note he was about to write. He still loved Zelda and he always would, but now he just simply didn't feel worthy of her love anymore, now that she knew the truth about him.
Finally he began to write:
Since you found out what's been bothering me the past couple of years, I just feel ashamed and I don't feel worthy of you or your love. I mean, what girl wants a guy who's been messed with like I have?
Feel free to find a handsome prince who will protect the Triforce for you. I'm just totally worthless. I still love you. I'm sorry to hurt you like this but I have to end the pain somehow–it's too much to bear.
Satisfied, he left the suicide note there on the table. Zelda would find it. Now, how to go about actually killing himself.
He withdrew his sword from underneath his pillows. Would he actually have the courage enough to plunge it into his heart? He tried holding it by the handle and pointing it at his chest, but he realized that it would be a bit clumsy; the sword was a little too long and knowing his luck he might miss his heart or hit a rib.
Frustrated, he tossed the sword onto the floor. He looked under his bed, saw a length of rope. Perfect.
Link pulled the rope out from under the bed and uncoiled it. It was about a hundred feet in length–enough for what he had in mind. This was what he liked to use to try to swing in through Zelda's window. Better than the sword–less messy. And a bit more considerate of Zelda; she wouldn't have a lot of blood to deal with.
He tied one end of the rope around a couple of the legs of his bed. He was sure that the bed was heavy enough to hold his weight–but he planned on going out the window, so even if the bed moved up against the wall he still wouldn't hit the ground.
Satisfied that the rope would be short enough, he sat on his bed and began tying the other end of the rope into a noose. As he tied the rope, he thought about Zelda. It was better this way, he thought. This way she could just go on, and he wouldn't be in any more pain. He'd thought about killing himself two years ago but back then he'd been too optimistic. Now he wished he had.
The noose formed, Link slipped it around his neck. He made his way to his window and stepped up onto the sill. He looked down at the ground. He closed his eyes and got ready to jump.
Suddenly he heard his bedroom door opening. He turned, saw Zelda coming in. "LINK! What are you doing!?" she cried as she ran towards him. He didn't resist as she took his hand and pulled him back into his room.
"Can't you knock first?" Link asked as she slipped the noose off him.
"I thought you would be sleeping and I was just coming to check on you. Now just what did you think you were going to do?" Zelda demanded as she noticed the note on his table. She picked it up and read it. "Link–you would be hurting me even more if you were to kill yourself, don't you understand?"
Link went and sat on his bed. He looked down at the floor. "I just can't bear this, Zelda. I tried to forget about it but now it's back to haunt me again. And could you really love a guy like me?"
"I already do love a guy like you," said Zelda as she stood in front of him. "Link, when I look at you, I don't see someone who's engaged in a sick act willingly–which you didn't. I see a young man who's been hurt very badly and who needs help. Link, you gave me a bad scare when I saw you about to kill yourself!"
"I just don't know what else I can do," said Link.
"Let me try to help you, Link," said Zelda as she sat down next to him. "Tell me how you're feeling."
"I just wanna get dressed right now," said Link as he stood up. "You can stay here."
Zelda busied herself with untying the slip knots that made up the noose while Link got dressed, washed his face, and brushed his teeth. Her back was turned so as to give him privacy.
Link went over and sat down on his bed next to Zelda. "Link, I love you," Zelda told him softly. "I really want to help you. I meant what I said last night, and today."
"I thought you'd be better off with me gone. You wouldn't have to deal with me and my problems," said Link.
"Link–it's because I love you that I want to help you," said Zelda. "Please let me." She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a slow, deep kiss.
Link responded by returning the kiss and clutching her to him. He realized that he needed her–all of her.
Zelda could sense his need, but she couldn't let him go too far. She allowed him to kiss her neck, but she stopped him from undoing her belt. "Link," she said softly.
"It's all right, Link," Zelda assured him as she hugged him.
"I–I guess I am normal...I didn't want to stop," said Link, sounding a bit sheepish. He stood up and leaned out the window a little, taking in some deep breaths.
"You just now figured that out?" Zelda asked, smiling a little. "Here, why don't we go outside and talk? Somehow I think you'd be too tempted if we sat on your bed like we were doing."
About half an hour later, Link and Zelda were sitting on the edge of the fountain in the courtyard. The sound of running water was rather soothing to Link; perhaps that was why Zelda had chosen this spot.
Zelda was inviting Link to tell her exactly how he felt. Link felt that he could trust her; so far she'd been nothing but sympathetic.
"I just felt so–helpless and everything," said Link. "I mean, I couldn't do anything but just lie there while he–hurt me. It didn't help that his hands were on my neck and back, holding me down."
Zelda sat there and listened, holding his hand. Link was talking more about it now.
"I also feel angry at you, Zelda," he confessed.
"Why?" she asked.
"Every time you denied that you love me, it made me wonder more about myself," said Link. "It made me wonder if I loved you–if I was capable of loving a woman. I was also wanting to one day ask you to marry me, and I was afraid of doing that too–what if you found out about this whole mess? It's just been so confusing."
"I always thought you were just lusting after me," said Zelda. "You were going to ask me to marry you?"
"I've been wanting to," said Link, his face turning red. He looked away, afraid of what she might say. "I've just been so confused this past day, though...."
Zelda put a hand on his shoulder. Somehow it bothered her to see him so vulnerable. She was used to seeing him acting so brave and heroic. Underneath all that, he was a scared young man. It made her want to hold him, and that was what she did; she gently pulled him so he was facing her, and she hugged him.
"I guess I was kind of lusting after you too...in a way," said Link. "I mean, I love you, Zelda...but I can't help but admire your body." She felt his body tense up, as if he were afraid she was mad at him. Any other time she would be–but she realized that getting mad was not going to help at all.
"You know what you just said?" Zelda asked him, sounding amused.
"No, I mean–here you were afraid that you weren't a perfectly normal young man, and you just admitted that you are," said Zelda. "And, Link–I do want to one day marry you," she added.
"Really?" Link looked into her green eyes. This was the best thing she ever could have said to him. "Despite what happened to me?"
"Of course," said Zelda. "Don't let what happened to you make you feel like you're less than nothing, Link. I still love you, no matter what."
Several months later Link and Zelda were married. The morning after the wedding night, Link woke up, Zelda in his arms.
He thought about the past few months. Zelda had invited him to talk to her whenever he felt upset about the events in his past, and he'd found that it helped. And last night, when they'd made love for the first time, it had made him feel a lot better emotionally. Sex with Zelda–the woman he loved–was not only physically satisfying; it was also satisfying emotionally.
Thanks to the love of his bride, Link was starting to feel like a person again. He kissed Zelda's forehead and drifted back to sleep, feeling the best he had in a long time.
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