NOTE: Although this takes place in a kingdom, keep in mind that Link and Zelda are TEENAGERS!!! In this story, they go to high school, and face all the problems of high school: (i.e. stereo-types, cliques, dates, dances, etc)
Day 1: Link rescued me again from another monster. He’s so heroic. It’s a wonder that I’m falling for him. Even though I wouldn’t admit it. My favorite part about being kidnapped, is when Link comes charging in to rescue me. I love it when he carries me. I love feeling his muscles. Christmas Eve made me so happy. Even though it’s February, I can still fell his soft lips against mine. [Flashback- Christmas Eve]
ZELDA: Oh, hi Link. Pretty sweet Christmas party, right???
LINK: Yeah… hey Zelda, (smiling) we’re under the mistletoe.
Link takes Zelda and kisses her. He began stroking her hair, and surprisingly she didn’t stop him. She was actually getting into it when…
SARIA: Hi Link!!!
Zelda and Link stop kissing, and Zelda ran to her room to ponder her true feelings for Link.
LINK: Zelda, wait!!! Jeez, Saria!!! Why did you do that??? You know I like Zelda!!!
SARIA: I’m sorry, Link. I didn’t notice.
NAVI: (giggles) Nice. You finally get a kiss from Zelda, and Saria interrupts. [End flashback]
Zelda sat in her room brushing her beautiful blonde hair, gazing out at the Hyrule kingdom. She was innocently counting her stokes, when Ganon came in and kidnapped her. She screamed so loud, Link heard her. He went charging for her rescue…
Chapter 1: Zelda’s imprisonment [Thursday]
Day 2: I’m trapped at Ganon’s again… I hope Link will rescue me soon. I have something to tell him. It started out as a great day. The sun was shining, I had just gotten up, and I was about to ask Link to go for a picnic with me.
Link came sprinting across his lawn, toward the castle.
LINK: Was that Zelda???
GUARD: Yes. She was just kidnapped by Ganon.
LINK: AGAIN??? When will he learn that I will always come to her rescue???
GUARD: I don’t know… I guess he’s a retard.
GUARD: But seriously… he went that way…
LINK: Ok… I’ll go save her…
Link went at break-neck speed to Ganon’s castle. He crept past his guards, and went inside.
NAVI: … Soooo, Link. What’s your big plan???
LINK: Well, I guess I’ll go over and defeat Ganon like I always do, and then rescue Zelda.
NAVI: It’s 11:00… we have school tomorrow.
LINK: Right… I guess we’ll have to save her tomorrow.
NAVI: Yeah… how about we don’t save her at all???
LINK: Navi!!! Look, I know you don’t like her because of me. If I wasn’t in love with her, you’d be great friends.
NAVI: … Whatever. Are you going to the dance tomorrow??? I’m going, but I need a date. You wanna be it???
LINK: (sigh) I’m sorry Navi, but you know we’re just really good friends. I don’t think I like anyone but Zelda… I love her.
NAVI: That’s saying something… but come on!!! Just one date. I’ll be better than Zelda… she isn’t even that nice to you!!! She’s always bossing you around. Miss Princess gets her big fat ass saved by you all the time, she acts all nice and friendly at home, but at school she avoids you like hell!!! She’s at the top with the cheerleaders and football players, while you are stuck with the dorks!!! Is that really the type of girl you want???
LINK: Well… um… yes
LINK: SHH!!! No Navi, they’ll hear us!!!
They castle guards came running to see what the commotion was about. They spotted Link, but he took off running. Back into his little house he went… sound asleep until…
Chapter 2.1: A regular day at high school [Friday]
Day 3: I forgot yesterday was Thursday… no wonder Link didn’t save me. He has school… which is where I should be. But no. I’m stuck here. I want to go to the dance, I want to see Link, and I want to tell him… how I really feel about him. I’m not sure he even likes me. Sure he would rescue me, even if I was stuck in a tree, but he’s a hero… that’s his job. Then of course there’s Saria. That little son of a bitch thinks she can just walk right up and take Link… the one I love.
Link’s alarm clock went up, awakening him from his slumber.
LINK: Why do you always do that??? You wake me up right before I get a kiss from Zelda. Jeez. I can’t get a kiss from Zelda in my dreams.
Link realized there was no use talking to an inanimate object. He scurried out of bed and got dressed. He walked to the bus stop and met up with Saria.
LINK: Hi, Saria.
SARIA: Oh, hey Link. What’s up???
LINK: Not much… but I barely see you anymore.
SARIA: I know… I really miss hanging out with you. I’ve been doing a lot of cheerleader practice, and I feel bad about missing your calls. Listen, this may seem kinda forward, but I sorta had a crush on you since we met… 11 years ago. Do you want… to go to the dance with me???
That question made Links heart stop cold. Saria was pretty, popular, sweet, and a whole bunch of good stuff… and Link even has a slight crush on her, but can she compete with Zelda??? Link thought about it quickly. Zelda is so amazingly hot, popular, spunky, talented… but does she love me??? Link doubted that, but there’s a HUGE difference between a crush and true love. He thought a little until…
SARIA: Link??? Are you there???
LINK: Huh??? Yeah… I… sure.
SARIA: Cool!!! See you tonight Link; pick me up at 7:00.
To Link, the day seemed to breeze by. All he could think about was his big date. Saria. They were childhood friends, and he even felt slight romantic feelings for her, but Zelda… they were friends not long after Saria. And he loves Zelda. Link was beginning to think this date thing was a big mistake until…
SARIA: Oh Link; I’m so glad you decided to take me to the dance!!!
Poor Link almost got whiplash as he turned to check his date out. She was in a beautiful green mini dress, which was low cut. Saria giggled as Link escorted her into the car and drove off.
Chapter 2.2: The high school dance
Day 3 (continued): Its been almost 2 days, and Link hasn’t shown up yet. I’m starting to worry he might not rescue me…
SARIA: Link, you’re such a great dancer.
NAVI: Link??? What are you doing here???
LINK: I told Saria I’d go with her.
LINK: I don’t know…
NAVI: I think I know why. You like-like her, and you don’t want to admit it.
LINK: I’ll admit, I liked her romantically before, but when she asked me I wasn’t sure I liked her. But now, I’m certain there’s nothing but friendship between me and Sar—
Saria came up to Link and kissed him. He didn’t like it, but he felt something. Saria went in for another, but Link stopped her.
LINK: Listen, Saria. I think my heart likes you, but my brain doesn’t. Do you get what I’m saying???
SARIA: (sigh) I think so. Emotionally, you like me. But you don’t physically like me—and you don’t want to be in a relationship… is that right???
LINK: Sorry but, yes.
SARIA: Ok. I’m ok with that. I might date one of the varsity jocks. Bye Link.
NAVI: That was strange… but ok.
LINK: Aw man!!! I forgot about Zelda!!!
NAVI: Oh yes. What a cryin’ shame.
LINK: (glaring) Navi, we have to rescue her.
Link went galloping to the castle. He snuck past the guards. It was the dead of night.
Chapter 3: The rescue [Saturday]
Day 4: I know it’s early, but I can’t stop thinking of Link. He’s the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I can’t believe he hasn’t rescued me yet. Its been 3 days!!!
LINK: Crap!!! I forgot to call my uncle!!! It’s 12:00 and he has no idea where I am!!!
NAVI: Link, you’re already out, and saving the princess… you’ve done it 14 times. Whenever you’re out late, he knows you’re rescuing her.
Link and Navi went climbing up the stairs. Link barged open the door and found Zelda…but to his surprise, Ganon was having a party in his pants, and Zelda was the guest of honor!!! (do you get it???)
NAVI: Ok, this is awkward… bye Zelda, I’ll (giggle) let you get back to your fun!!!
ZELDA: Link, help me…
GANON: Ok, Mr. Hero. You found me and my Zelda… what are you going to do about it???
ZELDA: I’m NOT yours!!! I HATE you, you always kidnap me, and I want you to DIE!!!
LINK: Whoa… intense.
NAVI: Oooh!!! Ganon just got mega-burned!!!
Link sprang into action and defeated Ganon. They took his triforce and destroyed Ganon forever.
Chapter 4: Unreeling passions [Thursday]
Day 10: It has been a week since my last kidnapping. I’m happy I don’t have to worry about Ganon anymore. Link and I were talking yesterday. He was telling me crap about Saria. God I hate her. She’s so competitive and tries to steal my boyfriends… ok, Link isn’t exactly my boyfriend, but he will be. And hopefully soon.
SARIA: Hey; Link. How are you???
LINK: I’m good I guess… who’s that???
SARIA: My boyfriend Trevor… why??? You jealous???
LINK: No, not really… are you trying to make me???
Saria gave him a flirty winking smile.
LINK: Oh. Whatever.
NAVI: Hey, who was that jerk with Saria???
LINK: Her new boyfriend; Trevor.
NAVI: Oh… she actually could GET a boyfriend.
ZELDA: Hi; Link.
LINK: (dreamily) Huh… huh… hi.
ZELDA: Oh Link, you’re so funny!!! Bye!!!
NAVI: What the--???
LINK: I do not know!!!
NAVI: Maybe you should try to get a date for the dance tomorrow… maybe a small beautiful blue fairy???
LINK: Sorry Navi. I’m going to ask Zelda…
NAVI: Yeah, that is unless you chicken out like you always do!!!
LINK: Hey!! I’m… probably not going to.
NAVI: Don’t worry Link, I’ll go with you when you either chicken out, or get dumped.
LINK: How do you know??? She might say yes.
NAVI: Fat chance.
Link gave her a glare, and went off to class.
SARIA: (snoopily) Hi, Zelda… I heard you like Link.
ZELDA: Link??? Which Link???
SARIA: (sigh) The cute one in the green tunic.
ZELDA: Maybe I do, maybe I don’t… what’s it to ya???
SARIA: Well, because it’s obvious. Link knows, he just doesn’t want to tell you he’s not going to go out with you… I mean, why would he??? With that giant fat ass of yours, why would ANY guy go out with you???
ZELDA: My ass isn’t that big!!! Oh, and I heard you’re going out with Trevor. How much did you pay him to pretend he likes you??? Not that you’d be able to buy anything that handsome. You’re dirt poor Miss Boondocks!!!
SARIA: Yeah, well Link likes ME!!!
ZELDA: Really??? Link told me about the awful time he had going to the dance as your date. He apparently doesn’t like annoying stalker girls with green hair.
SARIA: Why you little--!!!
Zelda and Saria got into a huge fight. Eventually they were sent to the principal’s office and were forbid to go to the dance.
Chapter 5: The truth be told [Friday]
Day 11: Darn it!!! I was going to ask Link to the dance, but stupid Saria went all mean snob on me. She seriously can’t get the fact that Link doesn’t like her. She’s so clueless.
Link comes to Zelda’s window with beautiful flowers. He gives them to her.
ZELDA: For me??? Don’t you like Saria???
LINK: As a friend, yes. Romantically, no.
LINK: I heard from Navi that you and Saria got in a fight. She didn’t hear exactly what about though.
ZELDA: Oh, it was stupid.
LINK: I also heard you aren’t allowed to the dance.
LINK: Well, it’s starting in a few minutes…
ZELDA: (smiles weakly) Ok, have fun.
LINK: I don’t want to go to the dance. I’d much rather do something else.
ZELDA: And what is that???
LINK: Uhhhh… would you like to take a walk???
ZELDA: (confused) Kay
LINK: Um… Zelda, I don’t know how to say this without sounding stupid, but after all these years of being your friend, coming to your rescue, and your numerous “thanks for saving my life” kisses… I- I lo—
SARIA: LINK!!!! Hi Link, what’s up???
LINK: Um… Saria this isn’t the best time.
SARIA: Why not, it’s not like your saying anything important to Zelda… right???
LINK: Well, um. Actually…
SARIA: Sure, let’s go get coffee!!! (pushes Link) I’ll be there in a minute.
LINK: But Saria, I needed to tell Zelda something.
SARIA: Well it isn’t life threatening, right??? It can wait. Buh-bye!!! Let’s get something straight here…
ZELDA: Yeah, how about your sexual orientation???
SARIA: (glares) Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Then I guess you don’t mind that I take Link.
ZELDA: Yeah, I do. He about to ask me something important until you popped up.
SARIA: Probably to tell you it wouldn’t work out between you and him.
ZELDA: He’s trying to AVOID you!!! Why don’t you get that???
Saria attacked Zelda and they started fighting.
NAVI: You hate Saria???
LINK: No, but she’s getting really annoying. Whenever I try to tell Zelda, Saria pops up out of nowhere… it’s like she’s stalking me!!!
NAVI: You just noticed that Sherlock??? Remember… she has a huge crush on you. You probably couldn’t get a moment alone with Zelda unless Saria was tied to the back of a stiff iron chair!!!
LINK: That’s brilliant!!!
NAVI: Wait, that’s not what I—oh forget it!!!
Chapter 6: A date with fate [Saturday]
Day 12: Saria did it again. She can’t accept that Link likes someone that isn’t her. I hope she dies. Link was about to tell me something important last night, but Saria came butting in and took Link.
LINK: Hey Saria. Want to go to your room???
SARIA: Why??? – Oh!!! I get ya. (winks)
LINK: Saria, I’m really sorry for doing this, but…
SARIA: Don’t worry, you wont be.
Link takes out a rope and ties Saria to a chair.
SARIA: Hey!!! What are you doing???
LINK: I have to talk to Zelda, and tell her I love her.
SARIA: WHAT???!!! I thought you liked me!!!
LINK: Oh my god!!! I told you last week I don’t like you like that!!!!
SARIA: But it’s not fair!!! I love you, and I don’t think you deserve Zelda!!!
NAVI: Hey, you’re not the only one. But out of you or Zelda, I choose her… because she’s not a crazy, clinging stalker psycho!!!!
LINK: I’d hate to stay, so… gotta go!!!
NAVI: Later freako!!!
Zelda is sitting in her room talking to her friend Princess Belle.
ZELDA: And that’s all she does!!!
BELLE: She stalks Link???
ZELDA: Yeah, and I lo—
Link comes swinging in her window.
LINK: Hey, Zelda. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d visit you.
BELLE: Ooh, he’s cute, no wonder you—
Zelda cups her hand over her mouth.
LINK: Hey, we didn’t finish our walk last night.
ZELDA: Oh, ok.
NAVI: I do admit, they do make a cute couple.
BELLE: Yeah… wait a sec. If Zelda likes Link, and Link likes Zelda, why didn’t they figure it out sooner???
NAVI: Link’s too much of a chicken to tell her, and how humiliating would it be to be the most popular girl in school and get dumped by one of the dorks???
LINK: From yesterday, where was I???
ZELDA: Well, you grabbed my hands, (grabs Link’s hands) and started out saying… Um… Zelda, I don’t know how to say this without sounding stupid, but after all these years of being your friend, coming to your rescue, and your numerous “thanks for saving my life” kisses… I- I lo—
LINK: Oh, yes. I… I love you.
ZELDA: REALLY??? I love you too!!!
Link was so happy. He took Zelda and dipped her in a deep, romantic kiss.
LINK: Zelda, your kisses make everything feel right.
ZELDA: Everything feels right when I’m with you.
LINK: I hope I’m not being to forward about this, but… (Link gets down on one knee)
Will you marry me???
Zelda was in complete shock. She loved Link, but this was one of the biggest decisions of her life.
ZELDA: Wow… this is so sudden.
LINK: I’ll understand if you reject. It IS a big decision.
ZELDA: No, I’m not rejecting. I’m saying YES!!!
Link was so happy, he kissed Zelda again. She couldn’t wait to tell her friends at school she was engaged.
Chapter 7: Planning the wedding [Sunday]
Day 13: OMG!!! Last night was the best!!! Link loves me!!! He proposed to me!!! And he kissed me!!! Today, we’re going to pick out the wedding dates and my dress.
ZELDA: I don’t know, but I want to be married soon. I picked out my guest list and dress, so all we need now is the date.
LINK: It should be soon; after all, we are seniors… so how about after graduation???
ZELDA: Well of course!!! How about… July 14th???
LINK: Sure, but why???
ZELDA: I don’t know why, but I like July.
LINK: And the 14th???
ZELDA: It’s my favorite number.
LINK: Ok, cool.
ZELDA: Link, you’re not going to invite Saria, are you??? She’s completely psycho, and would probably try to stop the wedding.
LINK: That’s true… how about we don’t tell her at all???
ZELDA: Works for me, I don’t talk to her anyways… hey Link, tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. Want to come to the castle for dinner???
LINK: Of course my dear.
Chapter 8: Valentine’s Day [Monday]
Day 14: Yesterday was awesome!!! I finalized my guest list, picked out the dress, the cake, and the date!!! I’ll be married in five months!!!
Link approached Zelda’s locker. In his hand, he held red roses and chocolate.
ZELDA: For me??? Thank you!!!
Zelda gave him a single red rose to symbolize their love.
ZELDA: I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Ricky to our wedding… is that ok with you???
Ricky was Zelda’s boyfriend whom she broke up with, but still stayed very close with. He moved to a different kingdom.
LINK: Uh… I guess.
ZELDA: Thanks. I told him he could stay at the castle… are you mad???
ZELDA: Link, it’s not like I’d do anything… we’re just friends.
LINK: Well… ok.
Later that night, at Zelda’s castle.
LINK: That was such a great dinner. I loved it.
ZELDA: Yeah, it was good… want to go to my room and get some dessert??? (winks)
LINK: Hell yeah!!!
Zelda and Link sat in her room making out.
ZELDA: What a great Valentine’s Day!!!
Chapter 9: Graduation [Wednesday]
Day 18: I can’t believe I’m graduating today!!! Mother and father are very happy. My wedding is in a MONTH!!!
LINK: Well Zelda, we graduate today. I’m so happy I’m getting my diploma. It all happened so quickly—middle school, the past four years, graduation.
ZELDA: I know. And can you believe in a month I’ll be your lovely wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death do you part???
LINK: Zelda, you’ll make a beautiful bride, and a wonderful wife.
SARIA: Link, why are you marrying her???
LINK: I don’t know who told you, but I love her—not you.
SARIA: No Link, NO!!!
ZELDA: Yes bitch, YES!!!
Zelda and Link got dressed in their caps and gowns, and went to the graduation ceremony.
Saria followed and watched Link’s every move with rage and jealousy.
Their high school teacher came up to present extra awards.
MRS. BRICK: Congratulations to the graduating class. With the valedictorian, Cody Simons!!! Best smile, Jenny Johnson!!! Greatest hair, Vanessa Pomeran!!! Nicest eyes, Trevor Bleck!!! And finally, cutest couple, Link and Zelda!!!
SARIA: They won?!?!?!? (growls)
ZELDA: Link, we won!!!
Link and Zelda went up on stage to accept their award. Link took Zelda and kissed her as usual, he dipped her. Zelda’s parents were very proud, and threw a huge party to celebrate.
LINK: This is a great party Zelda. Do you want to dance???
ZELDA: I’d love to.
NAVI: I can’t believe you two were voted cutest couple—oh well, whateves.
ZELDA: I know!!! I’m so happy I won something!!!!
LINK: Yeah, it’s pretty cool.
ZELDA: Link, want to ditch this party and come to my room???
ZELDA: Ready for your graduation present???
LINK: Hell yeah!!
ZELDA: Good—you’ll be my first… unless you count Ganon raping me.
LINK: I don’t… and you’re my first too!!!
ZELDA: I love you Link!!!
Chapter 10: A former flame [Sunday]
Day 13: Link is so great in bed. Tonight’s the last night I sleep alone. J I can’t wait till Ricky gets here. Although he’s my ex, we’re still really tight.
RICKY: Hey Zelda!!!
ZELDA: (smiles) Hi Ricky!!!
Link was turning green with jealousy.
NAVI: Oooh… somebody’s jealous!!!
LINK: Am not!!!
NAVI: Are too!!!
Link rolled his eyes and walked toward Zelda and Ricky.
ZELDA: Hi; Link.
RICKY: Hey, what have you been up to???
LINK: Not much… I’m hungry. I’m gonna get some muffins or something. (walks away)
RICKY: Zelda, I’ve missed you so much. Ever since I moved, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
ZELDA: Why??? You broke up with me… it’s not like the only reason you came here was to try and win me back. I’m married tomorrow.
RICKY: … Heh. Of course not!!!!
ZELDA: Good. Because I love Link.
ZELDA: Oh, god!!! They let you off the leash today bitch???
SARIA: Yeah. You get out of diapers yet, or are you still wetting the bed???
ZELDA: First of all, I haven’t wet the bed since I was three. Second, you are terrible at insults.
SARIA: Whatever. Where’s Link??? I want to try and stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life.
ZELDA: What would that be??? Being friends with you???
Ricky burst out laughing on the ground. Both Zelda and Saria gave him a puzzled glare.
RICKY: Ok, but I have to admit that was funny!!!
ZELDA: Just stay away from Link. He’s my fiancé.
SARIA: Too bad you’re so cliché… oh come on!!! That was funny!!!
RICKY: No, it wasn’t. You’re still the same spastic psycho I knew you as three years ago.
SARIA: Oh yeah??? Well I’m leaving.
ZELDA & RICKY: Not caring.
Saria stomped away, and Link came back with a basket full of muffins.
LINK: He guys, want any muffins???
RICKY: Not incredibly much.
NAVI: (rolls eyes) Link, you’re so stupid, but that’s what I like about you.
LINK: Navi, we’ve been over this. I’m marrying Zelda, and I only see you as a friend. Hey, I gotta go. Bye Zelda. (kiss)
ZELDA: He makes me so happy. I can’t believe I’ll be married to him tomorrow.
RICKY: Yeah, but are you sure you don’t like anyone else??? Like me???
ZELDA: (shocked) You like me???
RICKY: No, I was just asking.
ZELDA: Well… no. I… I gotta go get some rest… big day tomorrow—bye!!!
Chapter 11: The twisted up wedding day [Monday]
Day 14: Oh, god!!! Today is my wedding day!!! Link was so cute yesterday with his muffins. I can’t wait to see him, because the next time I see him; he’ll be my husband!!! Ricky arrived in town yesterday. I was excited to see him, but I think he likes me again. He was so flirting with me last night!!!
LINK: Navi; today is a GREAT day!!! Next time I see Zelda, she’ll be my wife!!!
NAVI: Yeah… but after all the years I’ve been with you, couldn’t I have just one kiss???
LINK: Fine. But I’m marrying Zelda.
Link leaned in and kissed Navi.
NAVI: Thanks, Link.
LINK: Your welcome… now can you help me tie this tie???
ZELDA: Hey, Ricky.
RICKY: Zelda, that dress looks lovely on you.
ZELDA: I have to talk to you… about us.
RICKY: Us??? Oh I knew you’d see it my way!!!
Ricky dipped Zelda and kissed her. Link was walking to the church when he saw Zelda in Ricky’s arms. He took off running with tears in his eyes.
LINK: She lied. Zelda lied to me!!! She said there was nothing between them anymore, and like a fool I believed her. Screw the wedding!!!
NAVI: Link, what’s wrong???
LINK: Zelda is in love with Ricky again.
NAVI: That doesn’t sound like Zelda. She loves commitment, and would never cheat.
LINK: Then why did I see her in Ricky’s arms, kissing???
NAVI: Did you talk to Zelda???
NAVI: Well who knows??? Maybe he was looking in the past. Go talk to Zelda.
Link took off running toward the church.
ZELDA: Ricky what was that for??? You know I love Link.
RICKY: Oh, I’m sorry. When you said us I thought you meant…
ZELDA: I’m sorry. I have to get married now.
MINISTER: Link, do you take Zelda as your lovely wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death do you part???
LINK: I do.
MINISTER: Zelda, do you—
ZELDA: I wouldn’t be here if I was going to say I don’t.
MINISTER: I now pronounce you husband and wife!!! You may kiss the bride!!!
Link dipped her and kissed her. Zelda couldn’t stop smiling, because she found her true love.
They lived happily ever after. The end.
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