From Gallop T. Kelpie and Donovan Feldman of Gallop's Fanfiction Archives

• Learn to play the Ocarina. Play one at odd intervals during school. When you play it, close your eyes and sway from side to side. Stop playing, look around intently, then sigh and put the Ocarina in your pocket. Act like you didn't do anything.
• Call someone Mido. Insist to them that it wasn't your fault the Great Deku Tree died. When they look puzzled, say, "Yeah, go ahead, pretend it didn't happen," and storm off.
• Have a breakdown and identity crisis after playing the Ocarina in the Temple of Time, because nobody in Kokiri Forest recognized you.
• Legally change your name to Link.Call your girlfriend Zelda.
• If you're a girl, call your boyfriend Link.
• Make phrases like "Go in peace, and may Farore's Wisdom be with ye, friend", part of your everyday conversation.
• Acquire a number of large, colored glass cut stones. Call them Rupees and carry them in a pouch at your waist. Guard them jealously.
• Learn to play "Away In A Manger", "Greensleeves" and / or "Three Blind Mice" faultlessly on Link's Ocarina, and then do it constantly whenever anyone else is watching you play.
• Constantly look up at the second floors of buildings with trees overhanging them, sigh and then mutter, "If only I had the Hookshot handy..."
• Come to school wearing green Kokiri clothes. Make a Master Sword and Hyrulian Shield out of cardboard, poster paint and bits from the Drama Cupboard. Insist on being allowed to wear and carry said gear. Occasionally hit people over the head with your sword when they're not looking.
• Have your ears surgically altered.
• Start giving your Chemistry teacher suspicious looks near the beginning of the lesson, making sure s/he notices. Get progressively more suspicious of them. Around halfway through the lesson, leap over your desk and attack him/her screaming "DIE, GERUDO SCUM!"
• Practise at home until you really can fall eight feet down and go into a forward roll without hurting yourself. Next gym class, climb to the high beam and then do it when your teacher tells you to come down.
• If you do Theology or a related subject, constantly fill your essays with strange references to the Triforce and the three Goddesses.
• Make a Triforce out of cardboard and gold paint. Hide it in your locker and then defend said locker with your life. Refer to said locker as the Sacred Realm, and make anyone who comes within three feet pay you twenty Rupees as compensation for defiling the Temple.
• Grow long flowing locks and style it into bangs. If it isn't blond, bleach it.
• Attempt to pay for your lunch in Rupees. When they refuse to accept them as legal tender, go crazy with a sword.
• Stalk the corridors with your sword and shield at the ready. Whenever you see anyone, charge at them with your sword held high. Screech to a stop, examine their face closely and then say, "Sorry, I thought you were Gannondorf." Walk off whistling.
• Chuck a cherry bomb in the staff toilet. When they catch you, act offended. Tell them you just saved them from the Dodongo that stalks the staff toilet.
• Get a slingshot or a bow. Take pot-shots at small birds. Laugh. Get pecked to death in retaliation by a flock of very angry small birds.
• Invent a language for Hyrule. Speak it all the time and refuse to speak in English. Write all your essays in Hyrulian script. Demand that you get the special treatment of those for whom English is not their first language.
• Whimper and cry whenever you see a really big tree. When asked what's wrong, tearfully explain that the tree reminds you of when the Great Deku Tree died.
• Make a Mask of Truth out of cardboard, paint and stuff from the Drama Cupboard. Find a big rock and talk to it. Fall about laughing, then give the nearest person a meaningful look, giggling hysterically. Then walk off.
• Train a horse to come when you play Epona's Song on an Ocarina. Come into school on the horse. Leave your horse where everyone else leaves their bikes. At the end of the day, play Epona's Song, get on your horse, and ride off.
• Ask everyone you meet if they know where the last Sage is. When they look puzzled, growl. Tell them you know what they're up to and then stomp off.
• Refuse to join the football team on the grounds that Gannondorf might attack at any time, and you have to be prepared.
• Agree to join the football team on the condition that you be allowed to wear your Kokiri clothes, sword and shield on the pitch. Become the star player. Insist that your name is put down as "Link".
• Worship Din, Farore and Nayru. Offer them sacrifices. Make a little altar and put it in your locker. Tell anyone who doesn't join in that they are heathens.When late, stagger in panting. Explain that you would have been there sooner but you got held up by a Stalchild.
• Hum one of the Ocarina Songs over and over until you drive your classmates to distraction.
• Draw your sword and look menacingly at anyone who bumps you. If someone stares back aggressively, knock them out. Walk off muttering, "...never hurt the innocent, but..."
• Put fruit juice in colored glass bottles. Carry a couple of these around with you all the time. Refuse to tell anyone what's in them. Occasionallybe seen drinking the whole bottle in one go.
• Come in on examination day looking distraught. Explain that your fairy is missing and you won't be able to sit any tests unless she is found (By this time, they're more likely to believe you than not).

HOW TO BECOME A HYLIAN - by Patches7

1. Play the Ocarina in school and join the band.
2. Worship the three goddesses at local church.
3. Wear Kokiri-type clothes (for Link fans).
4. Keep Rupees in a pouch and guard them.
5. Free your fave riding horse from the local stable by having a race with the owner, and then jump over the stable fence.
6. Fall in love with the son/daughter of the stable owner.
7. Attach arrows to strobelights and fire them at the school bully (Gannondorf) and claim that they are light arrows.
8. Refer to your room as the Sacred Realm. Play the Song of Time on your Ocarina to open the door, insert your Master Sword into the Pedestal of Time (your hamster's cage) and see if you turn into a shrimp.
9. Play the Song of Storms on your Ocarina, and if it doesn't rain, sigh deeply and get depressed.
10. Make a Keaton Mask, and when people ask what the hell you're doing, say: You haven't heard of Keaton?! That's a good one!
11. Go back to your blacksmith and pay him 80 rupees for a Hylian Shield.
12. Stop and ask people if they know the way to Kakariko Village.
13. With your Hylian Shield, cover your face with it during math class and claim you are protecting yourself from evil forces.
14. Have your ears done by a plastic surgeon.
15. Label your milk carton "Lon Lon Milk" and then swig it down in two gulps.

An interview with Link by Tze Fai Leung

TF: Hi everybody! Today I am with the hero of time, Link, in his house!

Link: Hello.

TF: How do you do?

Link: I'm fine.

TF: Tell me Link, what's your opinion on Ganon/Ganondorf

Link: He's a slow, stupid, easy villain to me since pigs are born to be clumsy, dumb, and roast in oven, and Ganon is that type.

Ganon: WHY YOU LITTLE!

Link grabbed his bow and shot some silver arrows at Ganon and killed him.

TF: What do you think about Zelda?

Link: Well (Zelda walks in.)

Zelda: Hi honey. (Kissed him on his cheek. Then she turned toward me.) TF, have I seen you somewhere before?

TF: NO!

Zelda: Okay I gonna go to checked on something. Be right back.

Link: I love her.

TF: Well, don't you ever like Malon?

Link: I like her. She's my friend. NEXT!

TF: Apparently, you seem to hate this question.

Link: Alright! I admit it! I LOVE her! She is the first girl I me the first time I am out of the forest, and she has a better temper than Zelda.

TF: What about Ruto? You know, the one that call you her fiancee?

Link. She is such a stupid girl! I never felt the way like that!

TF: What about Impa?

Link: She is fine, as long as you don't mess with her or other sages. Hey! What's the big idea? You keep asking those women!

TF: Have you read my top ten list?

Link: Yeah, it's funny and thanks for making me so high. Why?

From the entrance of the forest, we saw a bunch of Hylians, human, Zoras, Gerudos, Gorons, and Kokiri.

TF: Do you know a good place to hide? Heh heh heh.

Zelda: YOU ARE THE ONE THAT WROTE HOW COME WE SUCK, RIGHT? WELL, WE WILL SHOW YOU WHO'S STUPID AND LAZY!

Impa: Who said I am an old fart?

Spryte: Who said I can't use those magic? Nintendo have pay me to not to help Link!

Ruto: As I represent the sages, WE JUST DON'T WANT TO USE THE SPELLS! And we are not chickens!

TF: I knew I should have made a plot hole!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, came Ganon.

Ganon: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I have made a plothole generator to reopen the plothole, though we knew Mr. Miyamato first created it. Anyway, once I opened the plothole, I will be able to gain access to all dimensions! I will get new weapons, armor, yadda yadda yadda.

TF: A plothole? Thanks! (I jumped through, then out come with a Phantom)

Ruto: What is that thing?

Impa: It looks like a gun from the game of Goldeneye

TF: That's right! (I shoot and kill everybody except Link and Ganon.)

Ganon: Thanks, man.

TF: Not so fast; I got the Silver PP7.( I shoot a few silver bullets and kill Ganon.)

TF: Link, they will be back in 30 minutes through the plothole. I am going to have a drink. You come?

Ganon: Ouch! My hands! You shoot me right in my right hand! Ouch! Curse you!

TF shoots one more bullet

TF: Now, Let's...

Ganon: Ouch! My legs! You shoot me right through the legs! Ouch! Now I can't walk!

TF shoots another bullet. NO more sound.. but some hissing. Link and I turned around and saw Ganon doing hand sign. He said:

Ganon:(Ouch! MY throat! you shoot right through my throat! Now I can't talk!)

TF:Shut you **** up! (Shoot two bullets through His heart and brain. He gone for good this time.. for now.) Let's go to a pub. Know a good one?

Link:There's one in Castle town.

Well, the others have come back, but they can't find me, as long as I am not within Hyrule! Psst... don't tell them I'm alive or I am in big trouble.

What REALLY happened.....by Julietta F.

It was the final confrontation. Link and Ganon were finally face to face. I had the luck of being right there! Here is an accurate account of what happened (I swear!).

GANON (smiling): Heheheh. We meet again, Linky-boy!

LINK: What?!

GANON: I overheard Princess Ruto call you that!

LINK: Don’t bring that up.

GANON (in a high squeaky voice): Oh Linky-boy! Save me! (laughs)

LINK (angrily): Stop it!

GANON: Never! Linky-boy! Linky-boy! Linky-BOY!

LINK (plugging ears): I can’t hear you! LA LA LA LA LA!

GANON (evilly): BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

LINK: Whatever you say, GANIE-POO!

GANON: YEEAAH! How did you find out about that?! You idiot!

LINK: Ha ha ha. I was SPYING on you!!!!

GANON: I’m going to kill you for that.

LINK: No, you won’t. I rule! Nyah nyah nyah!

GANON: At least I didn’t two-time on Zelda!

LINK: How dare you! (raises fists)

ME: Yessss! Time for the good stuff!

LINK: Who the heck are you?!

ME: I’ll be the referee. Don’t you have a sword?

LINK: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Now, where did I put that thing? (Looks around) NOOOO! I lost it! How could I LOSE it?!

GANON: Ha ha! (raises scepter to kill him)

ME:(blowing my referee whistle.)

GANON: What did I do?!

ME: That’s unfair! You have a weapon and he doesn’t!

GANON: SO?!

ME: Oh, by the way, to make this a fair fight, you need cheerleaders too.

I lead in eight girls. Four (Gerudos) go over to Ganon’s side. They are wearing black shirts with an orange "G" on them, and orange skirts.

GANON: Yowza!

GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Ganon! Ganon! He’s our man! If he can’t do it, nobody can! (They do cartwheels and stuff).

ME: Shut up!

Zelda, Malon, Ruto, and Saria come in wearing green cheerleading outfits with a yellow "L" on them.

LINK: DOUBLE yowza!

LINK’S CHEERLEADERS: Go Link! Go Link! Go, go, go Link! (They wave their pompoms and stuff)

ME: You shut up too! Okay, fight you guys! (They get ready to fight and I blow my whistle).

GANON AND LINK: WHAT???!!!!!!!

ME: Ganon is too big! Play something where the odds are equal!

LINK: Like what?

GANON: I have an idea! Let’s play.....BUM BUM BUM! Chinese checkers! Bwa ha ha!

EVERYBODY EXCEPT GANON: Chinese checkers?

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Um... I think he’s like, lost his mind, so, like, let’s go cheer for Link now, he’s totally cute!

LINK: Really?

GANON (To cheerleaders): You guys are supposed to be on my side!

CHEERLEADER: Sorry.

GANON: Okay, now, let’s play!

LINK: Hey, wait a minute, I don’t remember there being any places called China in Hyrule.

GANON: Um.....Oh well!

LINK: Have you been smuggling foreign imports again?

GANON: Yes! I mean no!

EVERYBODY EXCEPT GANON: Ganon! Shame on you!

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS (flirting): Ganie-poo, I bet you did that all for me!

ANOTHER CHEERLEADER: No, me!

YET ANOTHER CHEERLEADER: Ganie-poo did it for me!

GANON: Don’t call me GANIE-POO!!!!!

LINK (rolling on the floor laughing): HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S TOO FUNNY!!!

ZELDA: What do we do now?

RUTO (sarcastically): Let’s play a nice game of shuffleboard!

ME: Okay, shuffleboard it is!

EVERYBODY: What?!

ME: Okay, no! How about underwater basket weaving?

RUTO: I’d win. I can breath underwater, ya know.

ME: How about cherry stem tying?

EVERYBODY: YAY! MY FAVORITE SPORT!

(Talon brings in about 25,000 cherry stems in a big basket).

TALON(to Malon): Hi, honey. Having fun? (To Link) You’re all she talks about, you know.

RUTO: Err.....(gives Malon a look).

MALON (blushing): DAD!!!!

ME: Okay, Link and Ganon! Get ready, set, GO!

GANON: #*@$! These fricking cheery stems are so small!

LINK: Yesssss! I’m winning!

LINK’S CHEERLEADERS: Gimme an L! Gimme an I! Gimme an N! Gimme a K!

RUTO: Gimme a Y! Gimme a -! Gimme a B! Gimme an O! Gimme another Y! What does that spell?!

LINK: Nooooo! Never call me that again!

GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Gimme a G! Gimme an A! Gimme an M....or maybe that was a Q! Or maybe.....never mind.

GANON: I HATE THIS CONTEST!!!! (zaps all the cherry stems away)

LINK: What did you do that for?

GANON: Um...no reason.

LINK: Why, you....

ME: Wait! I just had a vision! Your contest-to the death-is destined to be......figure skating!

EVERYBODY EXCEPT ME: WHAAAAAT??!!!!!

ME: Yeah, PARTNER figure skating!

LINK: Whatever. I don’t care.

ME: But WHO will you skate with?!

LINK: Um...........

RUTO: Me! He’s my fiance!

ZELDA: What?! He’s in love with me!

MALON: No, me! I’m prettiest!

SARIA: I had him first!

RUTO: Well, he kissed me!

ZELDA: Hey! Me too!

MALON: Same here!

SARIA: You’re all liars! He kissed me first!

ZELDA, RUTO, MALON, AND SARIA TOGETHER: LINK!!!!

LINK (backing away): Um......heh heh.....I can explain.....

RUTO (holding nunchucks): You better hope so, bucko.

LINK: Oh boy.............

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Oh Liiiink....can I come cheer for you, hottie???

LINK: YEAH! SCORE!!!!!! I mean, no! Of course not........

LINK’S CHEERLEADERS: LINK! You cheater!

ZELDA: Link is mine!!

RUTO: No, MIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!

MALON: Ditto!

SARIA: DITTO DITTO!

(They all start having this huge catfight...)

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Hey girls! Looks like fun. Can we fight with you?

ZELDA: Go right ahead.

(So now all the girls are in the catfight, and Link and Ganon are just sort of standing there)

LINK: Ganon, wanna go get a beer?

GANON: Hey, aren’t you under age?

LINK: Yeah......

GANON: Let’s just watch our cheerleaders battle it out.

LINK: Twenty rupees on Malon.

Link's Future Ancestor? - by Topaz989

Could Luke Skywalker be Link's future ancestor? Let's see the simularities.....

Link- Name sounds like Luke
Luke- Name sounds like Link (WELL DUH)

Link- Impa,an old woman, sensed the Triforce in him.
Luke- Yoda,an old muppet, sensed the Force in him.

Link- Has to save Princess Zelda in his games
Luke- Has to save Princess Leia in his movies

Link- His enemy, Ganondorf, was sent to the Realm of Darkness
Luke- His enemy, Darth Vader, was sent into the darkness of space

Link- His creator Shigirio Miyamoto was declared a genius in the videogame market
Luke- His creator George Lucas was declared a genius in the film market

Link- Had to carrry Ruto on his back
Luke- Had to carry Yoda on his back

Link- Link has a shadow that symbolizes his inner darkness
Luke- Luke has a father that tried to get him to join the Dark Side

Link- Link had an uncle who get killed near the beginning of the game
Luke- Luke had an uncle who got killed near the beginning of the movie

Link- Link and Zelda, a sister-brother like relationship
Luke- Luke and Leia, a temporary sister AND brother relationship

Link- Carries around The Master Sword
Luke- Carries around The Jedi Light Saber

Link- TLOZ had a cartoon, a brief TLOZ franchise
Luke- SW had an Ewok cartoon, nearly killed the SW franchise

Link- Link has the Triforce on his hand
Luke- Uhhhh, Luke has a bionic hand (CLOSE ENOUGH!!!)

Link and Peter Pan Comparison - by Princess Ruto

Ever notice the similarities between Link and Peter Pan?

• They both have faeries
• They both come from lands where children never grow up
• They both wear green tunics
• They both can swordfight
• They both have villians that wanna kill them (Ganon/Captain Hook)

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